;0

Come on in. Have a seat. Would you like a soda?

Um, no thanks.

I keep Cokes and bottled water in here. I know, lazy. But, that’s the big perk up here. I get a little mini-fridge. Soda! What am I even suggesting soda for at this hour? Should I ask Lucy to bring us some coffee?

I’m fine. I just had some.

Okay, okay, great. Now. What can I do for you? What’s going on?

I’m hoping you can tell me. And I don’t want to be, whatever, about this, but I’d appreciate it if we could just cut to the point.

Okay, fair enough, MG. I respect that. I’ll try to cut the bullshit. Yes, your department hired someone who is going to have a certain amount of overlap with your work. Has it been handled well? No. Do you have every right to be upset? Absolutely. Yes.

Oh. Well, at least someone's finally told me what’s going on.

I understand this wasn’t communicated to you the way it should have been, and I really want to apologize for that. MG, I am sorry.

Oh. Um, thanks.

I wasn’t directly involved with the way it was handled, and--, ah, fuck that, I am ultimately the boss here, or so they tell me, so I would like to take personal responsibility for this and, really, apologize. The way this played out was really, just, shitty.

Yeah. It was. It is. I mean, what is going on? What does this even mean? Am I fired?

No, no. No. They - we - do have to figure some stuff out. But you should know, this has nothing to do with you. It’s a company-wide, what do they call it, reconfiguration. There are supposed to be a certain number of people in certain level positions, and they were trying to bring the department into line with the corporate… whatever. I bet you care less about that and more about more immediate stuff.

Yeah. Like, do I even have a place to sit? I saw someone standing by my cubicle. And I bet my computer has been wiped clean by now, since that’s how I heard about this in the first place.

How’s that?

From the tech guy! I heard about this when the tech guy, who is extorting from your employees, by the way, told me he was “switching over” my computer.

Whoa, whoa. You what? He what? Unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable. Look, I just have to apologize again. I cannot believe you were treated like that. People should not be treated like that. Okay, MG, what do you want to do?

I just want to have a place to sit and do whatever it is I’m supposed to do.

No. I mean, what do you want to do? I can tell you’re bright. You’re not life-long admin material, anyone can see that. What were you hoping to do before you ended up buried in spreadsheets here?

Um, really?

Yes, really! It’s a crime the way we let talented people get beat down around here, suck out every drop of ambition. It’s like we’re taking our own best resources and crapping all over them. What do you want to do? Do you mind if I smoke, by the way?

I don’t mind at all, but, in here?

That’s the single other perk of being the boss. Want one?

Um, sure, thanks. If you don’t mind. Thanks. Mm. Well, I was one course short of getting an MFA in interactive graphic design when they cut off the tuition reimbursement program here. I’ve been trying to do freelance web design on the side, but--

But who the hell can take on a second full-time job when they leave here wiped out and pissed off everyday? Right?

Um, yeah, basically.

MG. My god. MG, I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about our IT revamp.

There was some contest a while back…

Oh. Yeah. That. Another shining example of some committee’s idea of getting people involved. Because middle managers need to be involved in redesigning our IT department. Don’t get me started. Anyway. Part of the revamp is going to be finally getting a decent, user-friendly website up and running. They’ve set aside a ridiculous budget to hire contractors for it, but maybe we could create a position to do it in-house. I can’t make you any promises, but I’m going to think about this.

Wow.

I’m going to think about this seriously, and fast. It is the least we could do, the decent thing to do, after this whole butter-fingered goatfuck you got wrapped up in. I want to make this up to you. I have heard a lot about you, you know.

Oh. Really? From Nina? From HR, probably.

No, no. From my nephew. Roger. That kid is crazy about you. Speaks very highly.

Really?

Sure thing. In his way. Roger being Roger, I think what he says is that you’re “totally awesome.”

He does?

Mmhm. And I gotta say, I really appreciate that. I know he can be a little… trying. Needs a lot of attention. But he’s a good kid. Been through a lot, he really has, and it’s always been amazing to me how he stays so upbeat.

He is upbeat.

See? But you can’t help smiling a little, right? Look, I’m sure he probably drives you crazy, he drives me crazy, but you’re nice to him. That says a lot, and it counts for a lot with me. How about for now, until we figure out something permanent, you move your stuff into the office next to Roger.

The office? Rob’s old office?

If that’s okay with you.

That would be… just fine.

If you wouldn’t mind sort of teaching the new girl your job, so hopefully we can phase you out of that and get you running on the web design project, at an appropriate pay upgrade, as soon as possible. How would that be?

Um, yeah. That would be… fine.