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Joni, I am ultra freaking out. Did you hear the message my boyfriend left me?

No. What did he say? Oh my god, Leah, is everything okay with you guys?

Okay, do you want to hear the message?

Of course!

No, I'll just tell you. He was like, "hi, give me a call when you get a chance."

Okay? Wait, Leah, how did he say it?

I know! That's it, right? Because, earlier, I called him, and his wife totally answered his cell phone.

Oh, my god! What is she doing there?

I know! He told me they're not together any more! And I was like, "Excuse me? I thought you weren't together any more!" And he tried to play it off like she had just showed up, like, "She just came over, I couldn't help it!"

Well, maybe she did.

But irregardless! I told him, I said, "If she just shows up, you just tell her to leave! What's hard about that?" And he gets all like, trying to blame it on the kid, who she always brings along to make him feel guilty, and now since she's pregnant--

Leah, she's pregnant? How did that happen?

I know! That just proves she's a little whore, cheating on him. Because he hasn't slept with her in like, forever. That's what he says. He says, "I have not touched that woman in the longest." So, it's all crazy. And then he leaves that message, so what am I supposed to think, right?

Of course right! I think you should teach him a lesson about how you should treat people. Definitely don't call him back right away.