Monday, February 16, 2004
hey! what are you doing still here? didn't you get the email?
oh, no, they still haven't set up my account. what's going on? where's everybody going?
oh, no, they still haven't set up my account. what's going on? where's everybody going?
attention all employees: urgent message
it has come to our attention that there is a toxic mold growing in the heating ducts here. it has been suggested by the epa that we have it removed immediately, and evacuate all stations until this is accomplished. as such, effective immediately, all employees may leave the building and begin a three week vacation. we'd like you to look at this time away from work as time with yourself and your ideals. unfortunately, it will not be possible to continue the issuance of paychecks during this period. however, time is money and you should all have plenty of time. we regret any inconvenience this may cause. please come back refreshed and ready to get back to work on march 11. that is all. please proceed to exit the building in an orderly fashion.
it has come to our attention that there is a toxic mold growing in the heating ducts here. it has been suggested by the epa that we have it removed immediately, and evacuate all stations until this is accomplished. as such, effective immediately, all employees may leave the building and begin a three week vacation. we'd like you to look at this time away from work as time with yourself and your ideals. unfortunately, it will not be possible to continue the issuance of paychecks during this period. however, time is money and you should all have plenty of time. we regret any inconvenience this may cause. please come back refreshed and ready to get back to work on march 11. that is all. please proceed to exit the building in an orderly fashion.
Friday, February 13, 2004
hey, we're going out for a smoke. care to join?
no, i can't. you know, i need to stay at this desk.
dumbass! she's the receptionist! she can't just leave!
oh, right. of course. well, how's it been going? mind if we hang out here for a sec?
sure. i'm bored. everything's fine. it's weird, though. people seem to speak all slowly when they call here.
ha! maybe they're retarded!
hmm, could be...
don't listen to him. i think it's because most people who've called here once know that the regular receptionist is a little hard of hearing.
dude! the old lady is totally deaf!
you have a receptionist who's deaf? are you for real?
well... her hearing has been getting worse the last few years.
yeah! it's awful! i get calls transfered to me all the time and i'm like, what? that's not for me!
and nobody does anything?
they can't fire her for it, because she's been here so long, and that would be discrimination against a handicap.
but if she can't do her job...?
the ADA thing is what everyone says. but really, i think the boss has just never gotten around to looking into it.
sometimes it goes like that. can i ask you two something?
fire away!
sure.
well, i'm not trying to snoop around, but i was looking for a place for my bag, and when i opened this bottom drawer--
no way! look at that! dude! i told you she was all rainman!
wow. look at that.
yeah. so if you guys ever need a coffee stirrer or two...
or two thousand!
no, i can't. you know, i need to stay at this desk.
dumbass! she's the receptionist! she can't just leave!
oh, right. of course. well, how's it been going? mind if we hang out here for a sec?
sure. i'm bored. everything's fine. it's weird, though. people seem to speak all slowly when they call here.
ha! maybe they're retarded!
hmm, could be...
don't listen to him. i think it's because most people who've called here once know that the regular receptionist is a little hard of hearing.
dude! the old lady is totally deaf!
you have a receptionist who's deaf? are you for real?
well... her hearing has been getting worse the last few years.
yeah! it's awful! i get calls transfered to me all the time and i'm like, what? that's not for me!
and nobody does anything?
they can't fire her for it, because she's been here so long, and that would be discrimination against a handicap.
but if she can't do her job...?
the ADA thing is what everyone says. but really, i think the boss has just never gotten around to looking into it.
sometimes it goes like that. can i ask you two something?
fire away!
sure.
well, i'm not trying to snoop around, but i was looking for a place for my bag, and when i opened this bottom drawer--
no way! look at that! dude! i told you she was all rainman!
wow. look at that.
yeah. so if you guys ever need a coffee stirrer or two...
or two thousand!
so, it's your last day?
yes, my agency said the receptionist comes back on monday.
everything been going ok?
yeah, once they figured out i was supposed to be here! the first day, i was sitting on the couch in the lobby for the longest. this phone kept ringing, but nobody realized i was supposed to be the one to answer it!
sorry bout that. but it's kinda par for the course around here, if you haven't noticed.
well, you know i don't mind. i get paid either way. apparently, the receptionist sent an email to the boss at 5:30 the day before she left telling him that she was going to be out and that she had arranged for a temp. but for some reason he didn't get it until the next day, after lunch.
that would actually make sense.
is he usually out at meetings all morning?
he's certainly usually out all morning.
yes, my agency said the receptionist comes back on monday.
everything been going ok?
yeah, once they figured out i was supposed to be here! the first day, i was sitting on the couch in the lobby for the longest. this phone kept ringing, but nobody realized i was supposed to be the one to answer it!
sorry bout that. but it's kinda par for the course around here, if you haven't noticed.
well, you know i don't mind. i get paid either way. apparently, the receptionist sent an email to the boss at 5:30 the day before she left telling him that she was going to be out and that she had arranged for a temp. but for some reason he didn't get it until the next day, after lunch.
that would actually make sense.
is he usually out at meetings all morning?
he's certainly usually out all morning.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
hi, i'm tonya, the temp agency sent me for an administrative assistant job?
administrative assistant? i wonder who's out. let's go see.
sorry. thank you.
hey, is-- oh, you are here. do you know who requested a temp today?
hmm, no. let me call upstairs.
i'm sure this will just take a minute. if you want to take your coat off and wait outside in the lobby.
thank you.
that's funny, they don't know either.
well, somebody must have requested her.
you would think. call out to reception and ask?
yeah, i just tried that. there's no answer. not that she'd be especially helpful.
true enough. and oh, yeah, the front desk was empty. she must be late. hmm.
hi, if you want to just sit tight here for a minute, we'll try to figure out what's going on. there's a starbucks across the street.
ok, no problem. thanks.
administrative assistant? i wonder who's out. let's go see.
sorry. thank you.
hey, is-- oh, you are here. do you know who requested a temp today?
hmm, no. let me call upstairs.
i'm sure this will just take a minute. if you want to take your coat off and wait outside in the lobby.
thank you.
that's funny, they don't know either.
well, somebody must have requested her.
you would think. call out to reception and ask?
yeah, i just tried that. there's no answer. not that she'd be especially helpful.
true enough. and oh, yeah, the front desk was empty. she must be late. hmm.
hi, if you want to just sit tight here for a minute, we'll try to figure out what's going on. there's a starbucks across the street.
ok, no problem. thanks.
Friday, February 06, 2004
yeah, i know it's 6:20 on friday. i'm just waiting for a fax to come in, then i can go. god, these two fucking morons here are talking on speaker phone to each other, and they sit close enough that i can hear both of them. god, hell really is other people.
i forget. moliere? no, sartre.
oh - think that's the fax machine. call ya later.
i forget. moliere? no, sartre.
oh - think that's the fax machine. call ya later.
i'm sorry, i can't wait anymore.
i'm sorry, dude, i'm taking off. i don't want to waste my friday waiting for stupid wings.
it wasn't my idea, rog. it was your idea. it was totally your idea.
actually, i can.
i'm not giving you money for food i'm not eating.
whatever.
whatever! you know i can eat the atomic wings! remember last time? you just should be glad i'm leaving!
unfair is calling the place and the guy like never shows up. not my fault, dude. have a good weekend.
i'm sorry, dude, i'm taking off. i don't want to waste my friday waiting for stupid wings.
it wasn't my idea, rog. it was your idea. it was totally your idea.
actually, i can.
i'm not giving you money for food i'm not eating.
whatever.
whatever! you know i can eat the atomic wings! remember last time? you just should be glad i'm leaving!
unfair is calling the place and the guy like never shows up. not my fault, dude. have a good weekend.
come on, this is bullshit!
yeah, but it was like, your idea!
you can't leave now!
everyone else gave me their money already!
but we were going to have the spicy wing contest!
i know what, you're just afraid i'm gonna face you in the spicy wing contest!
this is so unfair.
yeah? i hope you have a bad weekend. loser.
yeah, but it was like, your idea!
you can't leave now!
everyone else gave me their money already!
but we were going to have the spicy wing contest!
i know what, you're just afraid i'm gonna face you in the spicy wing contest!
this is so unfair.
yeah? i hope you have a bad weekend. loser.
where is that guy?
what's wrong now, roger?
the stupid wing guy! the chicken! we ordered like half an hour ago!
it is rush hour on friday in the rain...
but we ordered like half an hour ago!
right.
what's wrong now, roger?
the stupid wing guy! the chicken! we ordered like half an hour ago!
it is rush hour on friday in the rain...
but we ordered like half an hour ago!
right.
hey! do you wanna order wings?
wings?
yeah! we're ordering wings! spicy ones! want in?
it's like 4:30. why are you ordering wings?
we were gonna order them for lunch, but the conference room was booked, so we couldn't.
and?
so we all went out to lunch, and we were like, that was better than wings. but then we were just all on IM together, and we all realized that we still wanted wings! so we're gonna order some now.
but, don't you see? by the time they get here - never mind. i'm going to probably take off soon, so i'll take a rain check.
ok. your loss! we're totally having a contest to see who can eat the spiciest one!
mmhm. sounds fun.
wings?
yeah! we're ordering wings! spicy ones! want in?
it's like 4:30. why are you ordering wings?
we were gonna order them for lunch, but the conference room was booked, so we couldn't.
and?
so we all went out to lunch, and we were like, that was better than wings. but then we were just all on IM together, and we all realized that we still wanted wings! so we're gonna order some now.
but, don't you see? by the time they get here - never mind. i'm going to probably take off soon, so i'll take a rain check.
ok. your loss! we're totally having a contest to see who can eat the spiciest one!
mmhm. sounds fun.
they're all going nuts. i swear, he was on the phone shouting, 'you have to stop with the fucking hocus pocus bullshit! i'm not gonna take your'-- hold on a sec.
winkyshock, how can i help you?
what?
the number for my what?
i don't know what restaurant you're talking about. this is just an office.
i don't know who told you there's a restaurant in here, but there isn't.
pretty sure. i've been working here three years.
look, sir, i'm sorry 'some idiot' transfered you to this number, but i really can't help you.
i certainly see your point, sir.
i'm back. some confused, angry guy just yelled at me that this 'whole operation is cockeyed.'
i know, right?
winkyshock, how can i help you?
what?
the number for my what?
i don't know what restaurant you're talking about. this is just an office.
i don't know who told you there's a restaurant in here, but there isn't.
pretty sure. i've been working here three years.
look, sir, i'm sorry 'some idiot' transfered you to this number, but i really can't help you.
i certainly see your point, sir.
i'm back. some confused, angry guy just yelled at me that this 'whole operation is cockeyed.'
i know, right?
Thursday, February 05, 2004
what the fuck?
hey, sunshine. whatsa matter?
how can there fucking be no fucking coffee stirrers?
that's funny. there was a ton of them last week.
i know! i know! they were here! it's not funny! it's pathetic! what are the benefits of working here? getting letters mailed for free, and having a steady supply of crappy coffee! and the coffee's not even good! what is the fucking point of this?
that's why they call it "crappy" coffee. wait, you get the mailroom to stamp your personal letters?
yeah, doesn't everyone?
um, yeah, sure, til that guy got caught at it last year and got fired...
shit.
hey, sunshine. whatsa matter?
how can there fucking be no fucking coffee stirrers?
that's funny. there was a ton of them last week.
i know! i know! they were here! it's not funny! it's pathetic! what are the benefits of working here? getting letters mailed for free, and having a steady supply of crappy coffee! and the coffee's not even good! what is the fucking point of this?
that's why they call it "crappy" coffee. wait, you get the mailroom to stamp your personal letters?
yeah, doesn't everyone?
um, yeah, sure, til that guy got caught at it last year and got fired...
shit.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
hi there, what a nice surprise. what brings you to this part of the city?
oh, just passing by, glad i caught you. lucky you came through the lobby just then.
i was just heading out for a smoke. join?
sure, thanks. i actually stopped in yesterday, but it was the weirdest thing.
yeah?
ah, finally a sunny day. so, yesterday. i actually stood in right in front of your receptionist. i said hello, but she was staring into the bottom drawer, muttering. i said excuse me again, but she didn't seem to notice. finally the third time i rapped on the counter and said excuse me again, she raised a finger at me without looking up. it sounded like she was counting something. i couldn't see what she was looking at. i swear it was the weirdest thing. i already had my fill of crazy yesterday - one of those days - so i just cut my losses and left. i figured she must be a temp, and maybe better luck today? that's why i was so glad to catch you.
nope, she's no temp. been here longer than anyone i know of.
how is that possible?
long story.
oh, just passing by, glad i caught you. lucky you came through the lobby just then.
i was just heading out for a smoke. join?
sure, thanks. i actually stopped in yesterday, but it was the weirdest thing.
yeah?
ah, finally a sunny day. so, yesterday. i actually stood in right in front of your receptionist. i said hello, but she was staring into the bottom drawer, muttering. i said excuse me again, but she didn't seem to notice. finally the third time i rapped on the counter and said excuse me again, she raised a finger at me without looking up. it sounded like she was counting something. i couldn't see what she was looking at. i swear it was the weirdest thing. i already had my fill of crazy yesterday - one of those days - so i just cut my losses and left. i figured she must be a temp, and maybe better luck today? that's why i was so glad to catch you.
nope, she's no temp. been here longer than anyone i know of.
how is that possible?
long story.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
excuse me. excuse me. um, excuse me!
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