Thursday, March 31, 2005
Nina, I need to talk to you.
Really, MG? That is perfect. Because I need to talk to you. Why don't you come in? Sit down. You can close the door. In fact, please. Go ahead and close the door.
Okay, thanks. So.
So.
Well, Nina, I didn't want to be the one to bring this up. This is kind of awkward. I'm not sure it's my place to bring it up, but--
You shouldn't feel awkward if something's bothering you. I am here to listen.
Okay, well, last week the tech guy, the computer tech came by, and--
Oh, MG! That does remind me. I am so glad you came to me about this.
Really? Oh, good. It'll be a relief to get this cleared up. It's really been hanging over my head.
Mmhm. I think we all feel that way. Now, it came to my attention that you had some IM software on your computer that wasn't authorized.
Oh. Yeah. Yes, um, I guess I did.
Now, you know that that can mean a referral to HR?
Um, yeah.
Ordinarily, you know, I would have referred you to them for an employee satisfaction consultation.
Um, yeah. I actually already had--
But, since you and I get along so well, I didn't.
Oh. That's str--
So. I just wanted to get you up to speed on that. Now, what did you want to speak to me about?
Well, like I said, last time the tech guy came around, he said--
Oh! MG, I am so sorry. I have to take this call. Would you mind stepping out? Please, come back any time to talk about this. I really want to hear what's on your mind.
Okay, uh, thanks.
I'll be out tomorrow. But, anytime after that! Oh, can you pull the door shut behind you? Perfect.
Really, MG? That is perfect. Because I need to talk to you. Why don't you come in? Sit down. You can close the door. In fact, please. Go ahead and close the door.
Okay, thanks. So.
So.
Well, Nina, I didn't want to be the one to bring this up. This is kind of awkward. I'm not sure it's my place to bring it up, but--
You shouldn't feel awkward if something's bothering you. I am here to listen.
Okay, well, last week the tech guy, the computer tech came by, and--
Oh, MG! That does remind me. I am so glad you came to me about this.
Really? Oh, good. It'll be a relief to get this cleared up. It's really been hanging over my head.
Mmhm. I think we all feel that way. Now, it came to my attention that you had some IM software on your computer that wasn't authorized.
Oh. Yeah. Yes, um, I guess I did.
Now, you know that that can mean a referral to HR?
Um, yeah.
Ordinarily, you know, I would have referred you to them for an employee satisfaction consultation.
Um, yeah. I actually already had--
But, since you and I get along so well, I didn't.
Oh. That's str--
So. I just wanted to get you up to speed on that. Now, what did you want to speak to me about?
Well, like I said, last time the tech guy came around, he said--
Oh! MG, I am so sorry. I have to take this call. Would you mind stepping out? Please, come back any time to talk about this. I really want to hear what's on your mind.
Okay, uh, thanks.
I'll be out tomorrow. But, anytime after that! Oh, can you pull the door shut behind you? Perfect.
MG, can I borrow your black sharpie?
Mine's all dried up, Roger. It barely works.
Oh.
Roger, I'm sure you can get one from Alana. You don't need to look so heartbroken!
Oh, it's not the sharpie.
What's your trouble? I've never seen you so... un-hyper.
It's Wings.
Who? You mean Jay?
No! Jay isn't Wings anymore. He lost the title back to the original Wings. Wings, with the little office right next to mine? He's totally my best friend here, and I just found out he's leaving.
Ah.
He had a lunch meeting this afternoon with another company, and he came back and told my uncle that they gave him such a better offer that he's leaving. He told me he was going to leave in two weeks, so I thought we'd still have two weeks to hang out and stuff. And it would be extra sweet, because he'd hardly have to do any work, you know?
Yeah, sure.
But then, when he told them, they were like, okay dude, if you're out, you're out! And they made him take his stuff, whatever he could fit in his messenger bag, and leave!
Harsh.
Yeah! So, he's allowed to come back after six today, and that's why I need a sharpie.
Oh, you're going to make him a card?
Cards are lame! I want to stick together a stack of post-it notes, and make the fattest flip-book ever!
Oh.
The worst part is, we'll never get to have another wing-eating contest here. I can't even think about it. I just keep getting sad all over again.
Aw, Roger. It's okay. I'm sure Jay will still have wing contests with you.
Yeah, but me and Wings even had a secret tapping code on the wall between our offices. And we could talk on speaker phone to each other, and it was extra-awesome because we could, like, hear each other's voices on the phone, and we could also hear our own voices coming out of each other's speaker phones if we turned them up loud enough.
Hm. Yeah, I think we'll all miss that game.
Mine's all dried up, Roger. It barely works.
Oh.
Roger, I'm sure you can get one from Alana. You don't need to look so heartbroken!
Oh, it's not the sharpie.
What's your trouble? I've never seen you so... un-hyper.
It's Wings.
Who? You mean Jay?
No! Jay isn't Wings anymore. He lost the title back to the original Wings. Wings, with the little office right next to mine? He's totally my best friend here, and I just found out he's leaving.
Ah.
He had a lunch meeting this afternoon with another company, and he came back and told my uncle that they gave him such a better offer that he's leaving. He told me he was going to leave in two weeks, so I thought we'd still have two weeks to hang out and stuff. And it would be extra sweet, because he'd hardly have to do any work, you know?
Yeah, sure.
But then, when he told them, they were like, okay dude, if you're out, you're out! And they made him take his stuff, whatever he could fit in his messenger bag, and leave!
Harsh.
Yeah! So, he's allowed to come back after six today, and that's why I need a sharpie.
Oh, you're going to make him a card?
Cards are lame! I want to stick together a stack of post-it notes, and make the fattest flip-book ever!
Oh.
The worst part is, we'll never get to have another wing-eating contest here. I can't even think about it. I just keep getting sad all over again.
Aw, Roger. It's okay. I'm sure Jay will still have wing contests with you.
Yeah, but me and Wings even had a secret tapping code on the wall between our offices. And we could talk on speaker phone to each other, and it was extra-awesome because we could, like, hear each other's voices on the phone, and we could also hear our own voices coming out of each other's speaker phones if we turned them up loud enough.
Hm. Yeah, I think we'll all miss that game.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
OK, MG, I got one.
One what, Roger?
ITeah.
Mm hm.
It's, IT iced tea! And it could also come in blueberry. Get it?
Huh. Yeah. You should definitely submit that.
One what, Roger?
ITeah.
Mm hm.
It's, IT iced tea! And it could also come in blueberry. Get it?
Huh. Yeah. You should definitely submit that.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
MG! I'm suggesting blueberry. How bout you?
What, Roger?
My ITea. I'm suggesting blueberry, just like my time pie.
What are you talking about, Roger?
Didn't you get the email yesterday? They're totally having a contest for who can come up with the best new tea flavor. Remember? "Smart I-tea week?" I heard on TV that blueberries are good for your brain. So, my idea is sweet and sweeeet! Double dose! Yeah.
Roger. The contest isn't for tea. It's--
Oh, yeah? Then how come it's called "Smart I-tea?" Huh? Bus-ted!
Roger, it's not "i-tea." You're supposed to pronounce it like "idea," but with a "t" in the middle. Because it's about computers and technology - IT. We're supposed to come up with ideas about IT. ITeas.
What? But that's retarded!
Couldn't have said it better, Roger.
What, Roger?
My ITea. I'm suggesting blueberry, just like my time pie.
What are you talking about, Roger?
Didn't you get the email yesterday? They're totally having a contest for who can come up with the best new tea flavor. Remember? "Smart I-tea week?" I heard on TV that blueberries are good for your brain. So, my idea is sweet and sweeeet! Double dose! Yeah.
Roger. The contest isn't for tea. It's--
Oh, yeah? Then how come it's called "Smart I-tea?" Huh? Bus-ted!
Roger, it's not "i-tea." You're supposed to pronounce it like "idea," but with a "t" in the middle. Because it's about computers and technology - IT. We're supposed to come up with ideas about IT. ITeas.
What? But that's retarded!
Couldn't have said it better, Roger.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Attention all employees:
In our continuing effforts to leverage the "intellectual human capital" of all our employees, the management of Winkyshock, Inc. invites you to kick off 2005 the smart way, with "Smart ITea! Week" running from March 28 to March 31. All employees are invited to submit ideas for how we can make our IT dimension run more efficiently and smarter.
All employees who submit an "ITea" to The Smart ITea Committee during "S.IT.W" will be eligible for a drawing for some great high-value prizes that will improve their own "IT Dimension."
S.IT.W will also represent a period of "desktop amnesty." During this week, we encourage everyone to remove any unauthorized software or "downloads" from their computers, before random spot checks resulting in penalties are initiated next week.
Now, everyone put on your "thinking caps" and start "computing" some great "ITeas!"
And then, get back to work.
In our continuing effforts to leverage the "intellectual human capital" of all our employees, the management of Winkyshock, Inc. invites you to kick off 2005 the smart way, with "Smart ITea! Week" running from March 28 to March 31. All employees are invited to submit ideas for how we can make our IT dimension run more efficiently and smarter.
All employees who submit an "ITea" to The Smart ITea Committee during "S.IT.W" will be eligible for a drawing for some great high-value prizes that will improve their own "IT Dimension."
S.IT.W will also represent a period of "desktop amnesty." During this week, we encourage everyone to remove any unauthorized software or "downloads" from their computers, before random spot checks resulting in penalties are initiated next week.
Now, everyone put on your "thinking caps" and start "computing" some great "ITeas!"
And then, get back to work.
Hey, MG. How's it going?
Well, Jay. The weather is crap, but there's no one in my seat. So, okay, I guess.
Why would someone be in your seat?
Maybe I'm being paranoid. Or maybe he was just joking, but, I don't know. Maybe I misunderstood? God, I'm all in knots about this.
Knots? Who was joking about what?
Last week, the tech-guy-slash-extortionist said something about wiping my computer clean for a new person who was starting this week. But nobody else has said anything about it.
Hm. That is strange. Did you ask anyone about it?
Sort of. Sort of indirectly. What can I do? Just say, hi, how was your weekend, are you replacing me without telling me?
Yeah, I see what you mean. But otherwise, you're just kind of waiting for the wet shoe to drop all the time, right?
The wet shoe?
Yeah, whatever that expression is. You're just waiting. Wouldn't it be better to just ask and find out?
I guess. Unless it's bad news. Then maybe it would be better not to know. Although, I'm not even sure what would be worse - if I'm fired, or if I'm not.
Well, either way, me and Roger are ordering Chinese for lunch - you're welcome to join in!
Hm. Thanks, Jay.
Well, Jay. The weather is crap, but there's no one in my seat. So, okay, I guess.
Why would someone be in your seat?
Maybe I'm being paranoid. Or maybe he was just joking, but, I don't know. Maybe I misunderstood? God, I'm all in knots about this.
Knots? Who was joking about what?
Last week, the tech-guy-slash-extortionist said something about wiping my computer clean for a new person who was starting this week. But nobody else has said anything about it.
Hm. That is strange. Did you ask anyone about it?
Sort of. Sort of indirectly. What can I do? Just say, hi, how was your weekend, are you replacing me without telling me?
Yeah, I see what you mean. But otherwise, you're just kind of waiting for the wet shoe to drop all the time, right?
The wet shoe?
Yeah, whatever that expression is. You're just waiting. Wouldn't it be better to just ask and find out?
I guess. Unless it's bad news. Then maybe it would be better not to know. Although, I'm not even sure what would be worse - if I'm fired, or if I'm not.
Well, either way, me and Roger are ordering Chinese for lunch - you're welcome to join in!
Hm. Thanks, Jay.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Everyone, everyone! Everyone in the break room! I brought treats!
Wow, Joanne. What've you got?
MG, they're cookies! I made cookies for everyone for today.
Oh, nice. Is it someone's birthday?
MG, they're for Good Friday, of course. I thought, well, if we have to be here, we might as well keep in mind what the day is all about. And I thought, now, Joanne, what would be a better way to do that? And then I realized, hand-cut cookies! Ta-da!
Look at that. Are they... lion heads?
Lions? MG, I'm surprised at you! Alana, take a look at these cookies and tell me what you see?
Oh, Joanne, they're adorable little Jesus faces.
That's right, thank you, dear. Why don't you go ahead and have the first one? I wasn't sure - you see it both ways - and I just got caught up in which hair color to go with, finally I said, Joanne, why not do both? Cover all the bases? So I made brown icing and blonde icing. They both taste the same, though. I ran out of Splenda, so I made them with Equal, so no worries about your Atkins, ladies!
Um, Joanne, can you cook with Equal? When it gets hot, doesn't it turn into --
MG, now you know this is a holiday about life. How could cookies that are about life possibly hurt anyone? You can have one even though you didn't understand what they were. That's okay. He would want you to have one anyway, too, and maybe it will even help you understand. Here you go. Ooops, the icing eyes got smooshed on this one. But I don't think He minds!
Wow, Joanne. What've you got?
MG, they're cookies! I made cookies for everyone for today.
Oh, nice. Is it someone's birthday?
MG, they're for Good Friday, of course. I thought, well, if we have to be here, we might as well keep in mind what the day is all about. And I thought, now, Joanne, what would be a better way to do that? And then I realized, hand-cut cookies! Ta-da!
Look at that. Are they... lion heads?
Lions? MG, I'm surprised at you! Alana, take a look at these cookies and tell me what you see?
Oh, Joanne, they're adorable little Jesus faces.
That's right, thank you, dear. Why don't you go ahead and have the first one? I wasn't sure - you see it both ways - and I just got caught up in which hair color to go with, finally I said, Joanne, why not do both? Cover all the bases? So I made brown icing and blonde icing. They both taste the same, though. I ran out of Splenda, so I made them with Equal, so no worries about your Atkins, ladies!
Um, Joanne, can you cook with Equal? When it gets hot, doesn't it turn into --
MG, now you know this is a holiday about life. How could cookies that are about life possibly hurt anyone? You can have one even though you didn't understand what they were. That's okay. He would want you to have one anyway, too, and maybe it will even help you understand. Here you go. Ooops, the icing eyes got smooshed on this one. But I don't think He minds!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Hey, it's me. Everyone disappeared again, thought I'd give you a call real quick.
Who knows? All the cubes right around me are empty. Probably one's smoking, one has a hair appointment, one's jerking off in the bathroom... I don't know. Just glad to have some quiet for a second.
So I still don't know! No one's said anything, except for the fucking tattle-tale tech guy.
Yeah, I kind of asked a few people, but no one else heard anything like that. They'd tell me if they were replacing me, right? Wouldn't they have to? I mean, that only makes sense, right?
True. It is Winkyshock.
Who knows? All the cubes right around me are empty. Probably one's smoking, one has a hair appointment, one's jerking off in the bathroom... I don't know. Just glad to have some quiet for a second.
So I still don't know! No one's said anything, except for the fucking tattle-tale tech guy.
Yeah, I kind of asked a few people, but no one else heard anything like that. They'd tell me if they were replacing me, right? Wouldn't they have to? I mean, that only makes sense, right?
True. It is Winkyshock.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
MG, can I borrow your tape?
I guess so, Roger. But I need it back.
Oh. Okay. Nevermind.
You don't need it?
I do. I totally do! But I can't really give it back. Jay and I are betting on whether a roll of tape, a roll of paper towels, or a roll of toilet paper is longer. We're gonna go hang them all in the Core of Light shaft and see how far they go.
Roger! You can't do that. It's dangerous, and it's stupid. And it wouldn't work, anyway.
Aw, you're just mad because you didn't think of it.
What? No, Roger, I'm not. Believe me. But look. When you hold a roll of tape by the end, like this, look. It doesn't go anywhere.
Duh. Don't you think I know that? We're going to attach something heavy to the core of it so it'll unwind. By the way, MG, can I borrow your stapler?
Roger, are you planning to dangle my stapler into the construction pit from a roll of tape?
No! No way! I swear. I just remembered I need to... staple some things. So, can I?
No! Hm, well, actually, Alana was supposed to get it fixed, but she gave it back to me still jammed. Here, knock yourself out.
Sweet! Now we just have to find some twist-ties!
I guess so, Roger. But I need it back.
Oh. Okay. Nevermind.
You don't need it?
I do. I totally do! But I can't really give it back. Jay and I are betting on whether a roll of tape, a roll of paper towels, or a roll of toilet paper is longer. We're gonna go hang them all in the Core of Light shaft and see how far they go.
Roger! You can't do that. It's dangerous, and it's stupid. And it wouldn't work, anyway.
Aw, you're just mad because you didn't think of it.
What? No, Roger, I'm not. Believe me. But look. When you hold a roll of tape by the end, like this, look. It doesn't go anywhere.
Duh. Don't you think I know that? We're going to attach something heavy to the core of it so it'll unwind. By the way, MG, can I borrow your stapler?
Roger, are you planning to dangle my stapler into the construction pit from a roll of tape?
No! No way! I swear. I just remembered I need to... staple some things. So, can I?
No! Hm, well, actually, Alana was supposed to get it fixed, but she gave it back to me still jammed. Here, knock yourself out.
Sweet! Now we just have to find some twist-ties!
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Jay, have you heard anything?
Gonna have to be more specific, MG. Seriously, 'bout what?
About... anything? Anything interesting?
Besides Vermont in the--
No! About here. About computers, or hiring, or, um, changes, or anything?
Oh. Nope. Wait! I did hear something about computers changing around.
Oh! Thank god. What is it? They're running an NEP on everyone's machine, right?
What? No idea what that means. I heard they're starting up a thing where everyone can give ideas about what would make our computers better. I think it'll be IT Ideas Week, or something.
Oh. But nothing about changing machines over, or anything?
Hm. Don't think so. Why?
Nothing.
Gonna have to be more specific, MG. Seriously, 'bout what?
About... anything? Anything interesting?
Besides Vermont in the--
No! About here. About computers, or hiring, or, um, changes, or anything?
Oh. Nope. Wait! I did hear something about computers changing around.
Oh! Thank god. What is it? They're running an NEP on everyone's machine, right?
What? No idea what that means. I heard they're starting up a thing where everyone can give ideas about what would make our computers better. I think it'll be IT Ideas Week, or something.
Oh. But nothing about changing machines over, or anything?
Hm. Don't think so. Why?
Nothing.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Hey, Vinnie? Did anyone say anything to you about changing your computer?
Don't I wish, MG! I am dying for one of those flat screen plasma monitors like Cruella has.
Hm, no I don't think they're doing upgrades. But you didn't hear anything?
No. Of course, I do tune out a lot. Like la-la-la, is someone knocking on the door to Vinland? Oops, what's that, no secret password? Then, oh my goodness! you don't exist.
Hm. What's the, um, secret password?
It's, are you being nice to me? Or are you trying to make my life miserable?
Oh.
Don't worry, MG. You have a lifetime membership. You can visit anytime.
Huh. Well, glad to hear it, Vin. Good luck with the new monitor.
Don't I wish, MG! I am dying for one of those flat screen plasma monitors like Cruella has.
Hm, no I don't think they're doing upgrades. But you didn't hear anything?
No. Of course, I do tune out a lot. Like la-la-la, is someone knocking on the door to Vinland? Oops, what's that, no secret password? Then, oh my goodness! you don't exist.
Hm. What's the, um, secret password?
It's, are you being nice to me? Or are you trying to make my life miserable?
Oh.
Don't worry, MG. You have a lifetime membership. You can visit anytime.
Huh. Well, glad to hear it, Vin. Good luck with the new monitor.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Knock, knock, knock, MG. It's your friendly neighborhood Tech Guy!
Oh! You startled me, banging on the back of my monitor.
Yes, ma'am, that's a trick best left to the professionals. Closed driver, professional track, like they say. Or, closed LAN, in this case. Heh. Sorry, a little techie humor, there.
Right.
Anyway, just wanted to give you the heads up that I'll be swinging by next week to change your computer over. Of course, I'll just bet you've already taken all that unauthorized software off your machine, eh? Ha, ha.
Why, yes. I did. Right after my meeting with H.R.
Yep, that's the way things usually shake out in these cases. You can't say Tech Guy didn't try to warn you, though!
Warn? You tried to extort--
Anyway, potato, potahto, eh? Water under the bridge now, like they say. You'll want to save any files you need, I'll be wiping your machine clean for the next person.
Next person?
Yep. Got the work order here. Says to set up an NEP. New Employee Protocol.
For where? What?
For your machine. So, guess you're moving on, eh?
Um, hmm. Are you sure it's my computer?
Got the work order and the serial number right here. See? Matches up with the bar code on your hard drive. So, see you next week!
Oh! You startled me, banging on the back of my monitor.
Yes, ma'am, that's a trick best left to the professionals. Closed driver, professional track, like they say. Or, closed LAN, in this case. Heh. Sorry, a little techie humor, there.
Right.
Anyway, just wanted to give you the heads up that I'll be swinging by next week to change your computer over. Of course, I'll just bet you've already taken all that unauthorized software off your machine, eh? Ha, ha.
Why, yes. I did. Right after my meeting with H.R.
Yep, that's the way things usually shake out in these cases. You can't say Tech Guy didn't try to warn you, though!
Warn? You tried to extort--
Anyway, potato, potahto, eh? Water under the bridge now, like they say. You'll want to save any files you need, I'll be wiping your machine clean for the next person.
Next person?
Yep. Got the work order here. Says to set up an NEP. New Employee Protocol.
For where? What?
For your machine. So, guess you're moving on, eh?
Um, hmm. Are you sure it's my computer?
Got the work order and the serial number right here. See? Matches up with the bar code on your hard drive. So, see you next week!
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
MG, didn't I tell you to make some copies yesterday?
Yes, Nina. You weren't there, so I left them in your office.
I don't see them anywhere.
I left them on your desk.
On my desk! You aren't supposed to leave things on my desk. Everything is organized a certain way.
I just put them in the inbox. I thought that was where--
No! If I'm not there, you leave it on my chair. Otherwise, how am I supposed to find anything? Well, don't worry too much about it. We'll just call this a learning opportunity.
Yes, Nina. You weren't there, so I left them in your office.
I don't see them anywhere.
I left them on your desk.
On my desk! You aren't supposed to leave things on my desk. Everything is organized a certain way.
I just put them in the inbox. I thought that was where--
No! If I'm not there, you leave it on my chair. Otherwise, how am I supposed to find anything? Well, don't worry too much about it. We'll just call this a learning opportunity.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Alana, my stapler is jammed. Could I use yours real quick?
MG, you know there's a process for this.
There is?
Yes? The support equipment repair and replacement queue? Weren't you at the meeting last week?
Um, right. So, that's like, an online thing, too?
Ugh. Just give me your stapler. I'll take care of it myself. I'd rather just do it myself than have you do it wrong and get us all in trouble.
Okay. If you like. So, I guess I can't use your stapler now, then?
Why don't you just use the one in the copy room? You already broke yours. I can't really take a chance with you using mine.
MG, you know there's a process for this.
There is?
Yes? The support equipment repair and replacement queue? Weren't you at the meeting last week?
Um, right. So, that's like, an online thing, too?
Ugh. Just give me your stapler. I'll take care of it myself. I'd rather just do it myself than have you do it wrong and get us all in trouble.
Okay. If you like. So, I guess I can't use your stapler now, then?
Why don't you just use the one in the copy room? You already broke yours. I can't really take a chance with you using mine.
Monday, March 14, 2005
MG, where is the paper shredder that I told you to order?
Isn't it that by your desk, Nina?
No, I said where is the one I told you to order. This is a paper shredder, but it is not the one I asked for.
Oh. I thought--
Okay. You don't have to think. You just have to order what I tell you to order. This one is impossible. You have to put the papers in place and then flip a switch to shred documents. I don't have time to flip switches when I have things to shred. You were supposed to get the one that starts automatically when you place the paper on the shredder part.
Oh. I didn't realize--
I'm sure you didn't. Now, I need you to take care of this right away. I'm not going to hold this against you, of course, though. I just need you to get this situation remedied. And in the meantime, would mind running down for a Starby's?
Isn't it that by your desk, Nina?
No, I said where is the one I told you to order. This is a paper shredder, but it is not the one I asked for.
Oh. I thought--
Okay. You don't have to think. You just have to order what I tell you to order. This one is impossible. You have to put the papers in place and then flip a switch to shred documents. I don't have time to flip switches when I have things to shred. You were supposed to get the one that starts automatically when you place the paper on the shredder part.
Oh. I didn't realize--
I'm sure you didn't. Now, I need you to take care of this right away. I'm not going to hold this against you, of course, though. I just need you to get this situation remedied. And in the meantime, would mind running down for a Starby's?
Thursday, March 10, 2005
MG, you know how Alana's always talking about her boyfriend?
Do I!
That's what I'm asking, do you know how--
Yes, Roger, yes. I meant, yes, I do. Why?
Because we were talking about how she always talks about her boyfriend and you never do, so then we were all wondering, do you have a boyfriend?
Roger, do you have a boyfriend?
What? No!
Okay, then.
Okay what? I'm not gay!
See, Roger? There you go. You answered your own question. Oops, look at that. I have to go make some copies. Thanks for stopping by, though.
Oh. Okay. Hey. Wait!
Do I!
That's what I'm asking, do you know how--
Yes, Roger, yes. I meant, yes, I do. Why?
Because we were talking about how she always talks about her boyfriend and you never do, so then we were all wondering, do you have a boyfriend?
Roger, do you have a boyfriend?
What? No!
Okay, then.
Okay what? I'm not gay!
See, Roger? There you go. You answered your own question. Oops, look at that. I have to go make some copies. Thanks for stopping by, though.
Oh. Okay. Hey. Wait!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
MG, can I borrow a pen?
You need a pen, Roger?
Yeah. Mine ran out.
You need a pen, Roger?
Yeah. Mine ran out.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Jay, is that... cologne?
Yeah, MG. Why? Do you like it?
Um...
Roger recommended it.
Are you taking fashion advice from Roger?
Roger has some pretty good ideas, you know!
Roger tried to draw a line down an entire roll of toilet paper to see if the pen or the paper would run out first.
Well?
Well, what, Jay?
Which was it? Aren't you curious?
No. Besides, I think he got distracted halfway through and just left the pile of TP in the kitchen.
Oh! That's what that was. I'll have to ask him about that.
Yeah, MG. Why? Do you like it?
Um...
Roger recommended it.
Are you taking fashion advice from Roger?
Roger has some pretty good ideas, you know!
Roger tried to draw a line down an entire roll of toilet paper to see if the pen or the paper would run out first.
Well?
Well, what, Jay?
Which was it? Aren't you curious?
No. Besides, I think he got distracted halfway through and just left the pile of TP in the kitchen.
Oh! That's what that was. I'll have to ask him about that.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Here, MG. If you still need them.
Jay! Is that a box of paperclips? I've been trying to get some for weeks. How did you know?
I overheard Alana talking in the kitchen. She was laughing about how she wouldn't give them to you.
That--
I know.
So, what did you do?
I just asked her if I could get a box, and she went and got them for me.
What? Did you requisition them online and forward her a copy of the email and, like, say the magic word?
Nope and nope. Just asked and she got them. I knew she would, because of what she was saying earlier. She didn't know I overheard her.
Well, thanks, Jay. Guess it just goes to show.
What's that?
You're not paranoid if people really are out to get you.
Jay! Is that a box of paperclips? I've been trying to get some for weeks. How did you know?
I overheard Alana talking in the kitchen. She was laughing about how she wouldn't give them to you.
That--
I know.
So, what did you do?
I just asked her if I could get a box, and she went and got them for me.
What? Did you requisition them online and forward her a copy of the email and, like, say the magic word?
Nope and nope. Just asked and she got them. I knew she would, because of what she was saying earlier. She didn't know I overheard her.
Well, thanks, Jay. Guess it just goes to show.
What's that?
You're not paranoid if people really are out to get you.
Friday, March 04, 2005
MG! I know what your initials stand for!
Really, Roger? Because you said that before, but you didn't.
I was just guessing before. But now I have it figured out.
Yeah?
Yeah! It's MacroGram. M-G! Busted!
Roger. That's not a name. It's not even a word.
Is so!
What does it mean, then?
You're supposed to be the smart one. You don't know?
No. Because it's not anything.
Oh, yeah? Watch this! Macro means a thousand, and gram is a gram. So a macrogram is a thousand grams! That's probably how much you weighed when you were born, so that's what your parents called you.
Roger. A thousand grams is a kilogram. It's like two pounds. So there's no such word as macrogram. And if that's all I weighed, I'd be in trouble.
Macrogram, kilogram - it's like a teaspoon and a tablespoon. Two words for the same thing.
Those aren't the same. One is bigger.
Okay, so maybe a macrogram is bigger than a kilogram.
Roger! Still no such thing as a macrogram!
Okay, sure, MG. Then how come your parents named you after it? Ha! See?
Really, Roger? Because you said that before, but you didn't.
I was just guessing before. But now I have it figured out.
Yeah?
Yeah! It's MacroGram. M-G! Busted!
Roger. That's not a name. It's not even a word.
Is so!
What does it mean, then?
You're supposed to be the smart one. You don't know?
No. Because it's not anything.
Oh, yeah? Watch this! Macro means a thousand, and gram is a gram. So a macrogram is a thousand grams! That's probably how much you weighed when you were born, so that's what your parents called you.
Roger. A thousand grams is a kilogram. It's like two pounds. So there's no such word as macrogram. And if that's all I weighed, I'd be in trouble.
Macrogram, kilogram - it's like a teaspoon and a tablespoon. Two words for the same thing.
Those aren't the same. One is bigger.
Okay, so maybe a macrogram is bigger than a kilogram.
Roger! Still no such thing as a macrogram!
Okay, sure, MG. Then how come your parents named you after it? Ha! See?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Hey, MG.
Hi, Jay. What's up?
Just wanted to say thanks for the heads up on the head phone thing. Alana came poking around like five minutes later, and she was all looking at the head phones lying on the desk like, "What are you listening to, Jay? Are you listening to something?"
Ugh.
If you hadn't said anything, I would have just told her. But instead, I was just like, "Nothing. Guess I left them out from wearing them on my way in this morning." And she was like, "Good. Because you know they really don't like people listening to them at their desks. It makes the whole department look bad. People can really get in trouble for it. "
God, I knew it. I knew she was the one who told on me. I bet she was passed over for classroom monitor in third grade and never got over it.
Heh, yeah. Anyway, I feel like I dodged a bullet there, thanks to you. You didn't have to do that, especially since I know I've been kind of... anyway, thanks.
No problem. I wouldn't wish an HR "employee satisfaction consulation" on anyone.
Ugh, is that what they call it? I bet it's not your satisfaction they're worried about.
Exactly, Jay. Exactly.
Hey, MG, you know, we should get lunch sometime. Maybe you, me, and Roger.
Um, yeah. Maybe so. Anyway, stay out of trouble, okay?
Hi, Jay. What's up?
Just wanted to say thanks for the heads up on the head phone thing. Alana came poking around like five minutes later, and she was all looking at the head phones lying on the desk like, "What are you listening to, Jay? Are you listening to something?"
Ugh.
If you hadn't said anything, I would have just told her. But instead, I was just like, "Nothing. Guess I left them out from wearing them on my way in this morning." And she was like, "Good. Because you know they really don't like people listening to them at their desks. It makes the whole department look bad. People can really get in trouble for it. "
God, I knew it. I knew she was the one who told on me. I bet she was passed over for classroom monitor in third grade and never got over it.
Heh, yeah. Anyway, I feel like I dodged a bullet there, thanks to you. You didn't have to do that, especially since I know I've been kind of... anyway, thanks.
No problem. I wouldn't wish an HR "employee satisfaction consulation" on anyone.
Ugh, is that what they call it? I bet it's not your satisfaction they're worried about.
Exactly, Jay. Exactly.
Hey, MG, you know, we should get lunch sometime. Maybe you, me, and Roger.
Um, yeah. Maybe so. Anyway, stay out of trouble, okay?
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Vinnie, can I ask you something?
Anything, MG. Except my weight. That is a royal secret, and this queen isn't telling.
Noted. What I was gonna ask is, does Leah, like, talk to you?
Well, she stands in front of me sometimes and moves her lips and makes little screechy noises, if that's what you mean.
Heh, more or less. Every now and then it's like she gets selective amnesia and thinks we're friends. But not like actual friends. It's almost like she's stopping by to remind me that we're not friends. By pretending to be friends.
Hm. You ladies are so complicated. All I hear when she talks now is, "blah blah blah boyfriend cop blah cop boyfriend blah." I just listen to the parts I like and tune out the rest. You should try it.
Wow. If I could do that, my whole day would just be one constant stream of soothing white noise.
Anything, MG. Except my weight. That is a royal secret, and this queen isn't telling.
Noted. What I was gonna ask is, does Leah, like, talk to you?
Well, she stands in front of me sometimes and moves her lips and makes little screechy noises, if that's what you mean.
Heh, more or less. Every now and then it's like she gets selective amnesia and thinks we're friends. But not like actual friends. It's almost like she's stopping by to remind me that we're not friends. By pretending to be friends.
Hm. You ladies are so complicated. All I hear when she talks now is, "blah blah blah boyfriend cop blah cop boyfriend blah." I just listen to the parts I like and tune out the rest. You should try it.
Wow. If I could do that, my whole day would just be one constant stream of soothing white noise.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
MG! Oh my god.
Um, what's the matter, Leah?
Oh my god! We were totally going to have lunch today.
We were?
Yes? Don't you remember? Didn't we plan it? We totally planned to have lunch today. But my boyfriend called right before, and I got so into it, I totally walked right out without you when I went to eat.
No, I don't think we had plans.
Yes! We were supposed to have lunch together, and I completely forgot about it and left you here! That is so why my boyfriend always says I'm a flake. "Leah, you are such a flake," he always says. He's hilarious. Okay, we'll have to do it another time. I have to get you all caught up on all the big changes with him. It is a long story, but every thing is going really well. Another time, promise?
Uh, sure.
And don't let me forget about you next time!
Um, what's the matter, Leah?
Oh my god! We were totally going to have lunch today.
We were?
Yes? Don't you remember? Didn't we plan it? We totally planned to have lunch today. But my boyfriend called right before, and I got so into it, I totally walked right out without you when I went to eat.
No, I don't think we had plans.
Yes! We were supposed to have lunch together, and I completely forgot about it and left you here! That is so why my boyfriend always says I'm a flake. "Leah, you are such a flake," he always says. He's hilarious. Okay, we'll have to do it another time. I have to get you all caught up on all the big changes with him. It is a long story, but every thing is going really well. Another time, promise?
Uh, sure.
And don't let me forget about you next time!
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