Friday, January 30, 2004
the snow?
that's what she said.
he couldn't come in today because of the snow? that half inch last night didn't exactly paralyze the city.
more like he couldn't come in because of the friday.
that's what she said.
he couldn't come in today because of the snow? that half inch last night didn't exactly paralyze the city.
more like he couldn't come in because of the friday.
um, hi. excuse me. i was just wondering if you can tell me when he'll be back?
well, his flight got in yesterday afternoon. he was planning to be in this morning, originally, but, with the snow, it'll probably be monday.
oh. i see. i've been trying to get my email account set up, and i need him to send a quick note to the system administrator... is there any chance you could help me with that?
no, that's something he'll have to authorize in person before i could do anything. if you'll write up your request and leave it there in the "to be read" basket...
can i borrow a post-it note?
a post-it? for what?
um, so i can leave a note about getting my email?
oh, no. you'll need to type up your request and submit a hard copy, and send another copy electronically. he always sees his email before he gets to the basket, between me and you.
see, that's just the problem. i don't have email, so i can't send anything electronically.
well, go on ahead and leave it in the basket then. i'm sure he'll get to it. was there anything else i can help you with?
well, his flight got in yesterday afternoon. he was planning to be in this morning, originally, but, with the snow, it'll probably be monday.
oh. i see. i've been trying to get my email account set up, and i need him to send a quick note to the system administrator... is there any chance you could help me with that?
no, that's something he'll have to authorize in person before i could do anything. if you'll write up your request and leave it there in the "to be read" basket...
can i borrow a post-it note?
a post-it? for what?
um, so i can leave a note about getting my email?
oh, no. you'll need to type up your request and submit a hard copy, and send another copy electronically. he always sees his email before he gets to the basket, between me and you.
see, that's just the problem. i don't have email, so i can't send anything electronically.
well, go on ahead and leave it in the basket then. i'm sure he'll get to it. was there anything else i can help you with?
Thursday, January 29, 2004
oh, hi. um, it's 5460.
i'm pretty sure that's 2331. the last time i called there was some kind of problem with it, though.
yes, that's what they said before. but i was wondering, even if the number doesn't match what you have, if i could ask you another question?
about my computer?
the, hardware, i guess.
well, it shocks me everytime i touch it.
i mean, you know, like sometimes when you touch something and get like a little static shock? it's like that, but all the time. and it's not that little. sometimes i can actually see it arc.
could you? that would be great. will you be the one to come up?
oh, really? california? so how does that work, then?
well, could i just call the guy in my building directly?
i see. i guess it would. sorry.
i'm pretty sure that's 2331. the last time i called there was some kind of problem with it, though.
yes, that's what they said before. but i was wondering, even if the number doesn't match what you have, if i could ask you another question?
about my computer?
the, hardware, i guess.
well, it shocks me everytime i touch it.
i mean, you know, like sometimes when you touch something and get like a little static shock? it's like that, but all the time. and it's not that little. sometimes i can actually see it arc.
could you? that would be great. will you be the one to come up?
oh, really? california? so how does that work, then?
well, could i just call the guy in my building directly?
i see. i guess it would. sorry.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
re: personal electronic items
attention all employees: it has come to our attention that there has been some improvisation in the cubicles as far as non-company santioned electronic goods, including personal desk lamps, radios, and even personal coffee makers. the inappropriateness of all of this and all that it implies stuns your board, professionally and personally. like a parent, there are things as a boss that you don't expect to have to hear yourself say. while we encourage individuality, particularly through popular programs such as the beloved annual 'let's express ourselves! day,' we don't feel we should have to elaborate on the inappropriateness of having music in your cubicles. winkyshock is, first and foremost, a business. what you are expected to do here is to conduct business. not 'rock out' to your favorite tunes. what image would it project to a client calling here expecting to speak with a highly trained professional, and instead hearing blaring music in the background!
and desk lamps. we at winkyshock pride ourselves on providing ample artificial light. the management takes additional light sources as an unplicit criticism.
along the same lines, there is no reason we can think of aside from sheer laziness or snobbery that an employee would use a personal coffee maker instead of the generously provided high quality models on each floor.
all of these items chip away at the intangible concepts of community and teamwork.
they are the very building blocks on which this company is founded. any astrayance can only cause the kinds of blocks that don't build but, rather, block.
please, let's limit our additions to inspirational quotes and images. your management recommends animal photographs and scenes of nature, but, as always, when "you" motivate "you" with what motivates "you," we're all motivated as "us!" remember, a motivating quote can "brighten" your space more than any team-destroying lamp ever could.
attention all employees: it has come to our attention that there has been some improvisation in the cubicles as far as non-company santioned electronic goods, including personal desk lamps, radios, and even personal coffee makers. the inappropriateness of all of this and all that it implies stuns your board, professionally and personally. like a parent, there are things as a boss that you don't expect to have to hear yourself say. while we encourage individuality, particularly through popular programs such as the beloved annual 'let's express ourselves! day,' we don't feel we should have to elaborate on the inappropriateness of having music in your cubicles. winkyshock is, first and foremost, a business. what you are expected to do here is to conduct business. not 'rock out' to your favorite tunes. what image would it project to a client calling here expecting to speak with a highly trained professional, and instead hearing blaring music in the background!
and desk lamps. we at winkyshock pride ourselves on providing ample artificial light. the management takes additional light sources as an unplicit criticism.
along the same lines, there is no reason we can think of aside from sheer laziness or snobbery that an employee would use a personal coffee maker instead of the generously provided high quality models on each floor.
all of these items chip away at the intangible concepts of community and teamwork.
they are the very building blocks on which this company is founded. any astrayance can only cause the kinds of blocks that don't build but, rather, block.
please, let's limit our additions to inspirational quotes and images. your management recommends animal photographs and scenes of nature, but, as always, when "you" motivate "you" with what motivates "you," we're all motivated as "us!" remember, a motivating quote can "brighten" your space more than any team-destroying lamp ever could.
check it out! the pantry fairy came!
ooh, what'd she bring us?
let's see what's in the carton here, another whole case of sweet 'n low packs, four more sleeves of coffee filters, a pile of pouches of coffee - regular and, for some reason, decaf - and... ta-da! six little boxes of beautiful brown coffee stirrers!
hallefuckinlujah, it's about time.
ooh, what'd she bring us?
let's see what's in the carton here, another whole case of sweet 'n low packs, four more sleeves of coffee filters, a pile of pouches of coffee - regular and, for some reason, decaf - and... ta-da! six little boxes of beautiful brown coffee stirrers!
hallefuckinlujah, it's about time.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
tech support. can i have your extension please?
your phone extension. the last four digits of your phone number.
okaay. let's see. oh, you just started?
okay. what seems to be the trouble?
email? okaay. let me go on and get the last four digits of your social.
your social security number.
okay. could you repeat that?
no, that's not your number. are you sure that was the last four digits?
what i mean is, it's not your number.
well, it's not what we have on file here. so, you're gonna have to go on and get a letter from your supervisor saying that you need access to your email.
ok, then i guess you'll have to go on and wait until he gets back.
well, i suppose it is possible that there was some kind of typo on this end as far as your social, but that's not something i can do anything about at this point. was there anything else i can help you with?
your phone extension. the last four digits of your phone number.
okaay. let's see. oh, you just started?
okay. what seems to be the trouble?
email? okaay. let me go on and get the last four digits of your social.
your social security number.
okay. could you repeat that?
no, that's not your number. are you sure that was the last four digits?
what i mean is, it's not your number.
well, it's not what we have on file here. so, you're gonna have to go on and get a letter from your supervisor saying that you need access to your email.
ok, then i guess you'll have to go on and wait until he gets back.
well, i suppose it is possible that there was some kind of typo on this end as far as your social, but that's not something i can do anything about at this point. was there anything else i can help you with?
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
yeah, i can probably get your outlook working. lemme have a look?
sure, thanks, have a seat.
ow! christ!
oh, yeah, i seem to get shocks off the keyboard a lot, too.
gad! let's see... OW! the mouse, too?
yeah.
ok, it should be-- acK! dude, i'm sorry. your computer's fucked up. i'm not touching it anymore. how do you work with this?
i thought it was one of those things i was supposed to get used to. they're not all like this?
you better call tech support. ow!
sure, thanks, have a seat.
ow! christ!
oh, yeah, i seem to get shocks off the keyboard a lot, too.
gad! let's see... OW! the mouse, too?
yeah.
ok, it should be-- acK! dude, i'm sorry. your computer's fucked up. i'm not touching it anymore. how do you work with this?
i thought it was one of those things i was supposed to get used to. they're not all like this?
you better call tech support. ow!
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
hey, did you just get this email?
the one that says we're all supposed to work yesterday?
that's the one. what gives?
dunno. must have gotten bogged down in the server or something.
you think he drafted it friday afternoon, stayed home yesterday, and forgot to hit 'send all' til now?
wouldn't put it past him. you didn't come in, did you?
nah, you kidding? you?
nope. i heard the new guy did, though.
the one that says we're all supposed to work yesterday?
that's the one. what gives?
dunno. must have gotten bogged down in the server or something.
you think he drafted it friday afternoon, stayed home yesterday, and forgot to hit 'send all' til now?
wouldn't put it past him. you didn't come in, did you?
nah, you kidding? you?
nope. i heard the new guy did, though.
re: martin luther king day, jr.
attention all employees: the question of whether or not winkyshock will be operating on monday, january 19, which is the observed date of the birth of slain civil rights leader martin luther king, jr has been raised. after some discussion, the board has determined that the best way to honor a man who fought for the rights of all people to have equal working opportunities would not be not working but rather, working. therefore it has been determined that all employees will report to work on monday, january 19 as per usual. employees who wish to take a certain amount of time to honor king junior in their own ways will be permitted to do so, with the signed permission of their supervisors. so, please, have a good (two-day) weekend, and get back to work. remember, the harder you work on monday, the more you honor dr. king.
attention all employees: the question of whether or not winkyshock will be operating on monday, january 19, which is the observed date of the birth of slain civil rights leader martin luther king, jr has been raised. after some discussion, the board has determined that the best way to honor a man who fought for the rights of all people to have equal working opportunities would not be not working but rather, working. therefore it has been determined that all employees will report to work on monday, january 19 as per usual. employees who wish to take a certain amount of time to honor king junior in their own ways will be permitted to do so, with the signed permission of their supervisors. so, please, have a good (two-day) weekend, and get back to work. remember, the harder you work on monday, the more you honor dr. king.
hey, good MLK?
huh?
did you have a good three day weekend, for the Martin Luther King holiday?
oh. is that why no one else was here yesterday?
huh?
did you have a good three day weekend, for the Martin Luther King holiday?
oh. is that why no one else was here yesterday?
Friday, January 16, 2004
so i'm standing in front of my house, but it's not really my house, and i'm wearing black fishnets, but i need to find white fishnets to-- hold on a sec?
thank you for calling winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, this is winkyshock.
winkyshock.
win--ky--shock.
w-i-n-k-y-shock.
no, it's a company.
yes, i'm for real.
aghhh, i'm back. sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what the worst thing about working here is.
thank you for calling winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, this is winkyshock.
winkyshock.
win--ky--shock.
w-i-n-k-y-shock.
no, it's a company.
yes, i'm for real.
aghhh, i'm back. sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what the worst thing about working here is.
it's like my whole apartment is covered in some kind of thick web, but it's not like a spider web, it's more like a-- hold on a sec?
thank you for calling winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, i don't believe there's anyone by that name here.
no, that's a different company. this is winkyshock. winkyshock.
no, w-i-n-k-y-shock.
yes, that is odd. i couldn't say why she didn't tell you that before she transferred you. sorry. bye, now.
i'm back. we get all these calls from people looking for some lawyer named winkylsmith, then they act like they've never heard the word winkyshock before. it's weird.
thank you for calling winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, i don't believe there's anyone by that name here.
no, that's a different company. this is winkyshock. winkyshock.
no, w-i-n-k-y-shock.
yes, that is odd. i couldn't say why she didn't tell you that before she transferred you. sorry. bye, now.
i'm back. we get all these calls from people looking for some lawyer named winkylsmith, then they act like they've never heard the word winkyshock before. it's weird.
dude! you know T.G.I.F?
um, yeah.
well, check this out. i made up T.G.I.F.F.
oh, yeah?
know what the extra F is?
can't imagine.
come on! you're not even trying!
i, really, i'm stumped.
it's finally! thank god it's finally friday! get it?
yeah. funny, that wouldn't have been my first guess.
um, yeah.
well, check this out. i made up T.G.I.F.F.
oh, yeah?
know what the extra F is?
can't imagine.
come on! you're not even trying!
i, really, i'm stumped.
it's finally! thank god it's finally friday! get it?
yeah. funny, that wouldn't have been my first guess.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
hey, buddy, how's the first week going?
well, good, i guess.
great. glad to hear it.
just, well, is it always so dark in here?
oh, yeah, looks like you have a bulb out.
can we call someone to fix it?
you know, it's funny. every so often a guy just comes through with a ladder and bulbs and changes 'em out.
so, can i call him?
nope. not as far as i know. he just comes around when he comes around.
i see. it's just that it's kind of, you know, dark, since there aren't any windows anywhere nearby.
yeah, i remember thinking that at first, too. but don't worry. you'll get used to it. just like you don't even hear the creaking sounds any more, right?
no, that still sounds really scary all the time.
well, you know. give it a little more time. you'll get used to it all.
well, good, i guess.
great. glad to hear it.
just, well, is it always so dark in here?
oh, yeah, looks like you have a bulb out.
can we call someone to fix it?
you know, it's funny. every so often a guy just comes through with a ladder and bulbs and changes 'em out.
so, can i call him?
nope. not as far as i know. he just comes around when he comes around.
i see. it's just that it's kind of, you know, dark, since there aren't any windows anywhere nearby.
yeah, i remember thinking that at first, too. but don't worry. you'll get used to it. just like you don't even hear the creaking sounds any more, right?
no, that still sounds really scary all the time.
well, you know. give it a little more time. you'll get used to it all.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
you look a little glum, sugarplum.
it's just that now there aren't even any forks. the box is empty.
weird. who could have used that many plastic forks?
i know. and someone finished the half 'n half i left in the fridge, so the powdered shit is just sitting on top of the coffee. and nothing to stir it with. so it's kind of annoying to pour this out, but it would be kind of awful to drink it. i picked up the container of milk in the back of the fridge - it's still heavy, but it expired three months ago! i am so not opening that. and i don't mind sharing my half 'n half, but there was a lot left. and why leave the empty container?
whoa, easy girl. i did see our favorite carbophobe coming out of here with a styrofoam bowl of froot loops earlier.
you don't think lady atkins doused 'em in half 'n half?
probably figured that adding all that fat would cancel out the sugar in the cereal.
sure. that would make good health sense.
it would explain why she's not losing any weight.
but would it explain why there are no forks?
it's just that now there aren't even any forks. the box is empty.
weird. who could have used that many plastic forks?
i know. and someone finished the half 'n half i left in the fridge, so the powdered shit is just sitting on top of the coffee. and nothing to stir it with. so it's kind of annoying to pour this out, but it would be kind of awful to drink it. i picked up the container of milk in the back of the fridge - it's still heavy, but it expired three months ago! i am so not opening that. and i don't mind sharing my half 'n half, but there was a lot left. and why leave the empty container?
whoa, easy girl. i did see our favorite carbophobe coming out of here with a styrofoam bowl of froot loops earlier.
you don't think lady atkins doused 'em in half 'n half?
probably figured that adding all that fat would cancel out the sugar in the cereal.
sure. that would make good health sense.
it would explain why she's not losing any weight.
but would it explain why there are no forks?
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
hey, hey!
hi.
hey, it's two-fer tuesday!
what?
two-fer tuesday! ya know, like, tuesday? two?
oh. um, ok. well, enjoy that.
you know i will!
hi.
hey, it's two-fer tuesday!
what?
two-fer tuesday! ya know, like, tuesday? two?
oh. um, ok. well, enjoy that.
you know i will!
Monday, January 12, 2004
i swear he tried to open the new windows for like fifteen minutes before he'd believe they were sealed shut. and then yesterday-- hold on a sec?
winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, i'm afraid she's left for the day. i could give you her voicemail?
no, i'm afraid he's also gone for the day.
no, actually the entire department is finished for the day now, i believe. they should be back in after nine tomorrow.
no, i'm afraid i can't give out personal numbers. i can only transfer you to voicemail.
well, ma'am, that's a question i occasionally ask myself.
hey, i'm back. leave it to a disgruntled client to plunge ya right back into the depths of existential doubt.
winkyshock, how can i help you?
no, i'm afraid she's left for the day. i could give you her voicemail?
no, i'm afraid he's also gone for the day.
no, actually the entire department is finished for the day now, i believe. they should be back in after nine tomorrow.
no, i'm afraid i can't give out personal numbers. i can only transfer you to voicemail.
well, ma'am, that's a question i occasionally ask myself.
hey, i'm back. leave it to a disgruntled client to plunge ya right back into the depths of existential doubt.
hi, how's it going? settling in?
yeah, i think so, thanks. but, could i ask you something?
fire away.
well, i don't think i did anything, but the receptionist seems kind of, mad at me or something.
yeah?
yeah. i said goodbye when i left friday and i said good morning today, but she doesn't answer. she just looks startled, and slams her desk drawer shut.
oh, that. yeah. she does that. don't worry about it.
but did i--
seriously. don't worry about it.
yeah, i think so, thanks. but, could i ask you something?
fire away.
well, i don't think i did anything, but the receptionist seems kind of, mad at me or something.
yeah?
yeah. i said goodbye when i left friday and i said good morning today, but she doesn't answer. she just looks startled, and slams her desk drawer shut.
oh, that. yeah. she does that. don't worry about it.
but did i--
seriously. don't worry about it.
morning! how was your weeke-- oh, god! not you, too?!
fine, thank you. and it is way too early for shocked gasping. me too what?
i saw a few people had those black and white kids-kissing calendars up, but i figured it was something they gave out at the menopause club meetings or something. but you?
oh. yeah. that. ghost of christmas past strikes again.
her? didn't she cause you enough trouble?
i know, right? she brought it right after christmas. i tried to say thanks and stash it in the drawer, but she tore the cellophane off, showed me her favorite shot -it's where the colorized toddlers are smooching in raincoats - and tacked it right up on the wall.
ohhh. that is creepy in so very many ways.
she said, This way you'll never be behind in getting your holiday decorations up again!
did she say, jingle jingle?
that was just for christmas. i think she did actually say Toodles, but i've kinda repressed the whole memory. i had actually almost managed to forget that was even hanging there. thanks for reminding me.
hey, i do what i can. carry on, repress away, deny away.
somehow that gets easier every week.
fine, thank you. and it is way too early for shocked gasping. me too what?
i saw a few people had those black and white kids-kissing calendars up, but i figured it was something they gave out at the menopause club meetings or something. but you?
oh. yeah. that. ghost of christmas past strikes again.
her? didn't she cause you enough trouble?
i know, right? she brought it right after christmas. i tried to say thanks and stash it in the drawer, but she tore the cellophane off, showed me her favorite shot -it's where the colorized toddlers are smooching in raincoats - and tacked it right up on the wall.
ohhh. that is creepy in so very many ways.
she said, This way you'll never be behind in getting your holiday decorations up again!
did she say, jingle jingle?
that was just for christmas. i think she did actually say Toodles, but i've kinda repressed the whole memory. i had actually almost managed to forget that was even hanging there. thanks for reminding me.
hey, i do what i can. carry on, repress away, deny away.
somehow that gets easier every week.
Friday, January 09, 2004
gosh! is it always this cold here?
nah. only when it's not sweltering. you'll learn to bring a few layers. did they really hold you up all day in hr yesterday?
yeah, it was an orientation and a lot of waiting around. but i'm excited to get started. thanks for showing me around!
no problem. walking around keeps the blood going. go ahead and put your coat down in your cubicle - i know we'd rather keep them on, but they feel like it's bad for morale or something.
ok. no, um, hook or anything?
nope, we just drape 'em over the top. or in our laps, if the AC is too high or the heat is too low.
ok.
so, over here is the copy machine. you need to give it about five minutes to warm up. and also usually a smack or two helps. let's see, there used to be a shelf in here to collate papers and stuff, but now you pretty much have to steal a computer cart from the tech guys, or take everything back to your cubicle and sort it out there.
right. ok.
here is what we call the pantry. the microwave is a little sensitive, somehow it seems to make just about anything explode - maybe you can find a way to set it lower. i splattered a full cup of coffee in there, on the same day as a corned beef sandwich.
really?
you can't even imagine what an exploded corned-beef sandwich looks like. it was awful. the entire inside of the microwave was coated with little chunks of greasy, red meat. it was like someone had put a chipmunk in there. and wouldn't you know, by the time i got back from getting paper towels from the bathroom, there was an angry note on there asking everyone to please be considerate and clean up their own messes. i mean-- sorry. i don't mean to go off. sometimes this place just-- anyway. the coffee machine.
right. very important!
it doesn't work. see this skinny little copper pipe? it's supposed to be hooked up to something. presumably to some kind of water supply. it's not. it probably never will be. there's a machine on three, but i think there's some kind of mold growing in there. i recommend the machine--
on five?
at starbucks.
i see.
nah. only when it's not sweltering. you'll learn to bring a few layers. did they really hold you up all day in hr yesterday?
yeah, it was an orientation and a lot of waiting around. but i'm excited to get started. thanks for showing me around!
no problem. walking around keeps the blood going. go ahead and put your coat down in your cubicle - i know we'd rather keep them on, but they feel like it's bad for morale or something.
ok. no, um, hook or anything?
nope, we just drape 'em over the top. or in our laps, if the AC is too high or the heat is too low.
ok.
so, over here is the copy machine. you need to give it about five minutes to warm up. and also usually a smack or two helps. let's see, there used to be a shelf in here to collate papers and stuff, but now you pretty much have to steal a computer cart from the tech guys, or take everything back to your cubicle and sort it out there.
right. ok.
here is what we call the pantry. the microwave is a little sensitive, somehow it seems to make just about anything explode - maybe you can find a way to set it lower. i splattered a full cup of coffee in there, on the same day as a corned beef sandwich.
really?
you can't even imagine what an exploded corned-beef sandwich looks like. it was awful. the entire inside of the microwave was coated with little chunks of greasy, red meat. it was like someone had put a chipmunk in there. and wouldn't you know, by the time i got back from getting paper towels from the bathroom, there was an angry note on there asking everyone to please be considerate and clean up their own messes. i mean-- sorry. i don't mean to go off. sometimes this place just-- anyway. the coffee machine.
right. very important!
it doesn't work. see this skinny little copper pipe? it's supposed to be hooked up to something. presumably to some kind of water supply. it's not. it probably never will be. there's a machine on three, but i think there's some kind of mold growing in there. i recommend the machine--
on five?
at starbucks.
i see.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
eshellions??
yeah. i know. guess it's nothing us peonies would understand.
heh. i'm bringing in iced tea mix tomorrow.
ha. they'll probably have the heat shut off completely by then - i'm bringing an extra sweater.
good call. maybe we should bring both?
maybe we should stay home til april.
better call. have a good night.
see ya.
yeah. i know. guess it's nothing us peonies would understand.
heh. i'm bringing in iced tea mix tomorrow.
ha. they'll probably have the heat shut off completely by then - i'm bringing an extra sweater.
good call. maybe we should bring both?
maybe we should stay home til april.
better call. have a good night.
see ya.
hey! easy there, sport! what are you trying to do?
just doing what the email said. tryin, anyway.
well, quit it! you're only making yourself hotter, and you're probably gonna break something. they're not designed to do that. it's a safety feature, i guess.
i don't know about that. why would our managers tell us to do something that didn't make any sense?
ha. ok. keep at it, then. don't run to me when you pass out from heat exhaustion. how'd you get a window office after a month here, anyway?
just doing what the email said. tryin, anyway.
well, quit it! you're only making yourself hotter, and you're probably gonna break something. they're not designed to do that. it's a safety feature, i guess.
i don't know about that. why would our managers tell us to do something that didn't make any sense?
ha. ok. keep at it, then. don't run to me when you pass out from heat exhaustion. how'd you get a window office after a month here, anyway?
re: the cold/heat
attention all employees: we would like to address the fact that we are aware of the fact that it is not only cold outside, but furthermore quite warm inside. the upper eshellions of management met this morning at a nearby restaurant to discuss this situation, and have decided to take this opportunity to address the situation. first of all, it is very cold outside. as a result of this and in direct response to this situation, we concerned a meeting two days ago and decided to increase the temperature in the building to keep all employees operating in a comfortable temperature zone - as you know, we believe that an employee with warm hands will be an employee with a warm work ethic. however, there have been concerns raised that perhaps the thermostat has swung a tad too far the other way. i will admit, that i myself was working in my office in just a t-shirt after lunch. however, this is clearly not acceptable. we have a certain image to maintain. since there seems to be some sort of technical issue associated with actually physically or manually lowering the temperature output of the heating system, we would ask that all employees in offices with new windows installed please go ahead and open the windows slightly. yes, this is technically a violation of employee code 33/1a, as you are well aware after the franklin incident last month, but the board voted to make an exception in this case. so, please, after getting the necessary signatures and approvals, and turning in your code practices exemption forms in, please go ahead and enjoy opening your windows slightly. we will leave to your judgment what constitutes "slightly" and what constitutes a "breach of managerial trust." if you don't have a window, we recommend spending your allotted break time in the office of someone who does. we believe this initiative will not only aid in controlling temperatures, but will also help forester a sense of community. or as we like to say, winkymunity. thank you, and please get back to work.
attention all employees: we would like to address the fact that we are aware of the fact that it is not only cold outside, but furthermore quite warm inside. the upper eshellions of management met this morning at a nearby restaurant to discuss this situation, and have decided to take this opportunity to address the situation. first of all, it is very cold outside. as a result of this and in direct response to this situation, we concerned a meeting two days ago and decided to increase the temperature in the building to keep all employees operating in a comfortable temperature zone - as you know, we believe that an employee with warm hands will be an employee with a warm work ethic. however, there have been concerns raised that perhaps the thermostat has swung a tad too far the other way. i will admit, that i myself was working in my office in just a t-shirt after lunch. however, this is clearly not acceptable. we have a certain image to maintain. since there seems to be some sort of technical issue associated with actually physically or manually lowering the temperature output of the heating system, we would ask that all employees in offices with new windows installed please go ahead and open the windows slightly. yes, this is technically a violation of employee code 33/1a, as you are well aware after the franklin incident last month, but the board voted to make an exception in this case. so, please, after getting the necessary signatures and approvals, and turning in your code practices exemption forms in, please go ahead and enjoy opening your windows slightly. we will leave to your judgment what constitutes "slightly" and what constitutes a "breach of managerial trust." if you don't have a window, we recommend spending your allotted break time in the office of someone who does. we believe this initiative will not only aid in controlling temperatures, but will also help forester a sense of community. or as we like to say, winkymunity. thank you, and please get back to work.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
well, definitely, if it was that color, no question! hold on a sec?
winkyshock, how can i help you?
no ma'am, this is corporate headquarters. we don't deal with actual merchandise here. no, i'm afraid you'd have to go to a retailer for that. no, you see, this is just offices, so there's really no way we could -- yes, that's right. no, so we can't send you that. no, ma'am, just mostly desks, chairs, computers. it's just an office over here. you'll have to contact one of our retail shops or go to our homepage to order. yes. no, no, i'm afraid not. yes ma'am, thank you. bye, now.
phew. some lady just called and asked if there were any samples lying around i could send her. man, what part of "office" do people not get?
winkyshock, how can i help you?
no ma'am, this is corporate headquarters. we don't deal with actual merchandise here. no, i'm afraid you'd have to go to a retailer for that. no, you see, this is just offices, so there's really no way we could -- yes, that's right. no, so we can't send you that. no, ma'am, just mostly desks, chairs, computers. it's just an office over here. you'll have to contact one of our retail shops or go to our homepage to order. yes. no, no, i'm afraid not. yes ma'am, thank you. bye, now.
phew. some lady just called and asked if there were any samples lying around i could send her. man, what part of "office" do people not get?
is it true there's someone new coming in tomorrow?
can't imagine, since they just laid all those people off.
think they realized they fired too many?
nah. probably the boss' kid got laid off from somewhere else...
can't imagine, since they just laid all those people off.
think they realized they fired too many?
nah. probably the boss' kid got laid off from somewhere else...
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
hey, tomorrow's humpday already! this week is sure going fast.
yep.
so, see ya tomorrow! then there's only three days left!
yeah, ok.
have a good one!
yep.
so, see ya tomorrow! then there's only three days left!
yeah, ok.
have a good one!
Monday, January 05, 2004
good morning!
oh, hey, how are ya.
enjoying some "intangible" coffee?
heh. not sure "enjoying" is the word...
and we know intangible isn't. least it's free, though, huh?
exactly. speaking of mangling the english language, i've got that alanis morissette song stuck in my head - ten thousand forks, when all i need is a coffee stirrer.
my, that is ironic. there must be something useful in here. let's see, a little pile of mustard and soy sauce packets, whoo! a box of fancy hot chocolate--
empty, i checked. can i tempt you with some swill?
thought you'd never ask. ok, what else is in here? some brown wasabi, a sugar cookie tin with - oh, sounds like just crumbs - a torn pouch of herbal tea, a cigarette lighter, a lifetime supply of sweet n' low, and, indeed, under the chinese menus, a full box of plastic forks. two stirring forks, coming right up.
there's something depressing about stirring powdered creamer into a paper cup of industrial coffee with a plastic fork.
could be worse. could be stirring with the mustard packs, i guess. ah, well. cheers. happy new year.
yeah. happy new year. cheers.
oh, hey, how are ya.
enjoying some "intangible" coffee?
heh. not sure "enjoying" is the word...
and we know intangible isn't. least it's free, though, huh?
exactly. speaking of mangling the english language, i've got that alanis morissette song stuck in my head - ten thousand forks, when all i need is a coffee stirrer.
my, that is ironic. there must be something useful in here. let's see, a little pile of mustard and soy sauce packets, whoo! a box of fancy hot chocolate--
empty, i checked. can i tempt you with some swill?
thought you'd never ask. ok, what else is in here? some brown wasabi, a sugar cookie tin with - oh, sounds like just crumbs - a torn pouch of herbal tea, a cigarette lighter, a lifetime supply of sweet n' low, and, indeed, under the chinese menus, a full box of plastic forks. two stirring forks, coming right up.
there's something depressing about stirring powdered creamer into a paper cup of industrial coffee with a plastic fork.
could be worse. could be stirring with the mustard packs, i guess. ah, well. cheers. happy new year.
yeah. happy new year. cheers.
Friday, January 02, 2004
can't say i blame you for that. hold on?
hello, thank you for calling winky shock? no, this is a business. i think you have the wrong number. no, no, it's a business, not a residence. no, there's no mr. james, there's no mrs. james. just a company. look, ma'am, you have the wrong number!
sorry. back. i told them it was the wrong number, the person they were trying to sell long-distance to wasn't here - then she asked if i knew when he'd be back! looks like more of the same in oh-four. oh, well.
hello, thank you for calling winky shock? no, this is a business. i think you have the wrong number. no, no, it's a business, not a residence. no, there's no mr. james, there's no mrs. james. just a company. look, ma'am, you have the wrong number!
sorry. back. i told them it was the wrong number, the person they were trying to sell long-distance to wasn't here - then she asked if i knew when he'd be back! looks like more of the same in oh-four. oh, well.
how's the new year treating you so far?
so far, so good. you?
no complaints.
well, have a good one.
yeah.
so far, so good. you?
no complaints.
well, have a good one.
yeah.
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