Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Hey, MG. Did you get that t-con thing sorted out yesterday?
Yeah, Jay. Hey. More or less. I got onto the call eventually. It was hard to figure out what was going on, though.
Yeah, nobody identifies themselves.
That, but I mean, what was going on. I guess some people were on cell phones, or something. Because I swear I heard a toilet flush in the middle of it, and someone sounded like they were eating lunch.
Ha. Yeah, a lot of people forget to mute it out, so you can hear what they're doing in their offices.
Mute?
Yeah, you have to dial *72 or something like that to mute your end of it, so the rest of the conference call can't hear what you're doing in your office.
Oh.
Uh, you okay, MG?
I'm fine. I hope they all like the Pixies, though.
Yeah, Jay. Hey. More or less. I got onto the call eventually. It was hard to figure out what was going on, though.
Yeah, nobody identifies themselves.
That, but I mean, what was going on. I guess some people were on cell phones, or something. Because I swear I heard a toilet flush in the middle of it, and someone sounded like they were eating lunch.
Ha. Yeah, a lot of people forget to mute it out, so you can hear what they're doing in their offices.
Mute?
Yeah, you have to dial *72 or something like that to mute your end of it, so the rest of the conference call can't hear what you're doing in your office.
Oh.
Uh, you okay, MG?
I'm fine. I hope they all like the Pixies, though.
Monday, August 29, 2005
MG, do you have the patch-in number for that t-con?
What?
Didn't you get the email from Nina about the t-con, with all the info?
Alana, what? What's a t-con? It sounds like a transformer.
It sounds like a what? MG, a teleconference. And you're supposed to have the patch-in numbers for the department. Everyone is relying on you to patch in the trunk line for the department.
Oh. Um, I don't think I know... anything about this. Is this like a phone number, or a code number, or...?
There's the 800 number you dial into, then you need the six-digit conference number, then you need the other six-digit PIN number, then you need the departmental ID number. You're supposed to have these! They were supposed to go to you!
I'm sorry. I must not have gotten the email.
MG, this call starts in thirty minutes! If our department doesn't get its positional buy-ins because of this, there are going to be a lot of stake-holders with a lot of issues!
If I had any idea what that meant, I'm sure I'd be sorry.
What? Did you say something?
No. Just said, "I'm sorry."
What?
Didn't you get the email from Nina about the t-con, with all the info?
Alana, what? What's a t-con? It sounds like a transformer.
It sounds like a what? MG, a teleconference. And you're supposed to have the patch-in numbers for the department. Everyone is relying on you to patch in the trunk line for the department.
Oh. Um, I don't think I know... anything about this. Is this like a phone number, or a code number, or...?
There's the 800 number you dial into, then you need the six-digit conference number, then you need the other six-digit PIN number, then you need the departmental ID number. You're supposed to have these! They were supposed to go to you!
I'm sorry. I must not have gotten the email.
MG, this call starts in thirty minutes! If our department doesn't get its positional buy-ins because of this, there are going to be a lot of stake-holders with a lot of issues!
If I had any idea what that meant, I'm sure I'd be sorry.
What? Did you say something?
No. Just said, "I'm sorry."
Friday, August 26, 2005
Ma'am, if you could just scan your ID here.
Here it is.
No, you can't just hold it up, I need you to scan it over the turnstile. It's the new system.
It's not...
No, the bar code. The bar code on the bottom. Scan it. No, other way. Just hold it over the-- no, not there, the window. Turn the card over - not around, over, yeah - and slide it slowly over the little window with the laser in it. There you go.
Oh, my god!
Problem?
Why does my face come up on the screen like that?
It just reads the card and brings up your picture the way it's encoded on your ID, ma'am.
Does the monitor have to face the whole lobby like that?
It's a security measure, ma'am. So the guard can see if you match the picture.
But does it have to be so big?
This way if someone's not at this post, then someone at the other post can see the image.
But the picture on the screen is bigger than my actual head!
Yes. That's the level of security we're offering in this building.
Ack! What's that huge red X over the face on the screen now?
Now, your scan ran out, because you didn't go through in 20 seconds. You're going to have to go around to the other side now and scan it over there to verify.
Verify?
Yes, ma'am. Since the time expired to go through the turnstile, we'll need to see another piece of ID we can match up with your building card and issue an override. Otherwise it will go into the system as a breach.
But I work here.
Well, the machine doesn't know that. It just knows what it reads on the card.
But that's like the only thing the card says. That I work here. That's the only reason I have it. And it just scanned it.
Yes, but you see, it just timed out. So.
Here it is.
No, you can't just hold it up, I need you to scan it over the turnstile. It's the new system.
It's not...
No, the bar code. The bar code on the bottom. Scan it. No, other way. Just hold it over the-- no, not there, the window. Turn the card over - not around, over, yeah - and slide it slowly over the little window with the laser in it. There you go.
Oh, my god!
Problem?
Why does my face come up on the screen like that?
It just reads the card and brings up your picture the way it's encoded on your ID, ma'am.
Does the monitor have to face the whole lobby like that?
It's a security measure, ma'am. So the guard can see if you match the picture.
But does it have to be so big?
This way if someone's not at this post, then someone at the other post can see the image.
But the picture on the screen is bigger than my actual head!
Yes. That's the level of security we're offering in this building.
Ack! What's that huge red X over the face on the screen now?
Now, your scan ran out, because you didn't go through in 20 seconds. You're going to have to go around to the other side now and scan it over there to verify.
Verify?
Yes, ma'am. Since the time expired to go through the turnstile, we'll need to see another piece of ID we can match up with your building card and issue an override. Otherwise it will go into the system as a breach.
But I work here.
Well, the machine doesn't know that. It just knows what it reads on the card.
But that's like the only thing the card says. That I work here. That's the only reason I have it. And it just scanned it.
Yes, but you see, it just timed out. So.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Joni, can I see your ID card?
Oh my god, Alana, my picture is horrible.
That's okay, just for a minute? And Leah, could I see yours, too?
Oh, Alana, I hate this picture! I had them retake it like five times and finally the lady got all pissed at me? Like, um, it's your job to take a good picture in the first place, so don't get pissed at me because you can't do your job right? And when I went home and showed it to my boyfriend, he thought it didn't even look like me. He was like, "Leah, that does not even look like you." And --
Leah, can I just see the ID for a sec? Thanks. That's fine, you guys. That's what I thought. Everybody's is totally regulation.
Regulation?
Everybody has a nice, normal little head right in the middle. Except some people need to show off how different they are by getting their face gigantic on the card. I'm going to suggest that in the future they stick to the guidelines better. The employee ID card is not the place for self-expression.
Oh my god, Alana. You are so right. It so isn't.
Oh my god, Alana, my picture is horrible.
That's okay, just for a minute? And Leah, could I see yours, too?
Oh, Alana, I hate this picture! I had them retake it like five times and finally the lady got all pissed at me? Like, um, it's your job to take a good picture in the first place, so don't get pissed at me because you can't do your job right? And when I went home and showed it to my boyfriend, he thought it didn't even look like me. He was like, "Leah, that does not even look like you." And --
Leah, can I just see the ID for a sec? Thanks. That's fine, you guys. That's what I thought. Everybody's is totally regulation.
Regulation?
Everybody has a nice, normal little head right in the middle. Except some people need to show off how different they are by getting their face gigantic on the card. I'm going to suggest that in the future they stick to the guidelines better. The employee ID card is not the place for self-expression.
Oh my god, Alana. You are so right. It so isn't.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Vinnie, can I see your ID card?
Sure, sugarpea. Though I'm not sure you can handle the beau-ty!
Always a danger, but I'll take my chances, Vin. Hand 'er over.
Ta-da!
See? That's totally fine. Normal. Except for whatever it is you're doing with your eyebrow there. But it's fine! There's space around your head. Look what they did to me!
Wow. Extreme close up.
They took it so my face fills up the entire box!
Hmm. That's awful. You need to start using a pore mask. I do it minimum twice a week, or once, absolute minimum. Cucumber, lavender oil, nutmeg, and sour cream. And a teensy splash of gin.
Gin? Gin is good for your skin?
I don't know. But the smell reminds me of the good old days. And it also stings a like hell after I've shaved, so it's kind of a reminder to stay away from it. It works both ways. Like your ID card. You can own it, like, "I am the queen of the world, and one little picture box isn't enough for me!" and it's also like "hello, don't forget the astringent!"
Um, thanks, Vin.
Sure, sugarpea. Though I'm not sure you can handle the beau-ty!
Always a danger, but I'll take my chances, Vin. Hand 'er over.
Ta-da!
See? That's totally fine. Normal. Except for whatever it is you're doing with your eyebrow there. But it's fine! There's space around your head. Look what they did to me!
Wow. Extreme close up.
They took it so my face fills up the entire box!
Hmm. That's awful. You need to start using a pore mask. I do it minimum twice a week, or once, absolute minimum. Cucumber, lavender oil, nutmeg, and sour cream. And a teensy splash of gin.
Gin? Gin is good for your skin?
I don't know. But the smell reminds me of the good old days. And it also stings a like hell after I've shaved, so it's kind of a reminder to stay away from it. It works both ways. Like your ID card. You can own it, like, "I am the queen of the world, and one little picture box isn't enough for me!" and it's also like "hello, don't forget the astringent!"
Um, thanks, Vin.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
After a week off, MG, nobody else seems to have any problem getting here on time.
Good morning, Alana. I've been here for an hour already. And it was fine, thank you. How was your week off?
I chose to come in and tie up a few odds and ends over the optional week off.
Optional?
Of course. With unpaid leave, it's your option what you do with it. It's in the handbook. You always have the option to keep coming in and getting paid at your regular rate. And for your information, I came by your office three times earlier and you were not here and the light and the computer weren't even on, so there's no use saying that you've been here for an--
Alana. I've been down in the basement with security since nine o'clock. Something happened with my employee ID card, and I had to go through this whole big line to pick up a stack of paperwork, and--
So, basically, you didn't renew it when you were supposed to.
And it took half an hour longer than it should have because they were trying to call up to your office to get authorization and there was no answer.
Well, it's not my responsibility to wait by the phone to put out fires caused by people not doing what they're supposed to do in the first place.
No, I guess snooping around to see which offices have their lights turned on is more your primary thing.
What was that? Did you say something, MG?
No, nothing.
Good morning, Alana. I've been here for an hour already. And it was fine, thank you. How was your week off?
I chose to come in and tie up a few odds and ends over the optional week off.
Optional?
Of course. With unpaid leave, it's your option what you do with it. It's in the handbook. You always have the option to keep coming in and getting paid at your regular rate. And for your information, I came by your office three times earlier and you were not here and the light and the computer weren't even on, so there's no use saying that you've been here for an--
Alana. I've been down in the basement with security since nine o'clock. Something happened with my employee ID card, and I had to go through this whole big line to pick up a stack of paperwork, and--
So, basically, you didn't renew it when you were supposed to.
And it took half an hour longer than it should have because they were trying to call up to your office to get authorization and there was no answer.
Well, it's not my responsibility to wait by the phone to put out fires caused by people not doing what they're supposed to do in the first place.
No, I guess snooping around to see which offices have their lights turned on is more your primary thing.
What was that? Did you say something, MG?
No, nothing.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Hey, MG. Good vacation?
Are we calling forced, unpaid leave vacation now, Jay?
So, that good, then, eh?
Any day away from here does wonders for me, but not so much for the little old bank account, you know?
I hear that. But, you know, that's basically why they say you should always keep the equivalent of three months' rent on reserve, just in case. I always have about 3,000 dollars in the bank that I just pretend isn't there. Then when something unexpected like this comes up, it's not such a big deal. You probably do that too, right? Keep a little cushion on reserve?
Oh, yeah, Jay. I do the exact same thing. Except my cushion is more like, um, a little less.
But still enough to get you through an unpaid week here or there, right?
Sure, sure. A week of instant coffee and ramen noodles, but yeah. I guess maybe I'd call it more of a strip of foam rubber than a comfy cushion, but sure.
Are we calling forced, unpaid leave vacation now, Jay?
So, that good, then, eh?
Any day away from here does wonders for me, but not so much for the little old bank account, you know?
I hear that. But, you know, that's basically why they say you should always keep the equivalent of three months' rent on reserve, just in case. I always have about 3,000 dollars in the bank that I just pretend isn't there. Then when something unexpected like this comes up, it's not such a big deal. You probably do that too, right? Keep a little cushion on reserve?
Oh, yeah, Jay. I do the exact same thing. Except my cushion is more like, um, a little less.
But still enough to get you through an unpaid week here or there, right?
Sure, sure. A week of instant coffee and ramen noodles, but yeah. I guess maybe I'd call it more of a strip of foam rubber than a comfy cushion, but sure.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Attention all employees:
Today will mark the beginning of our annual "time is money" holiday campaign. Please enjoy your week off, and think of the "time" you're not here as "money in the bank." Of course this is not literal money, but money in the "outside the box" sense. Which is how we encourage all of our employees to think.
See you all next Monday, refreshed and ready to start earning literal money again!
Today will mark the beginning of our annual "time is money" holiday campaign. Please enjoy your week off, and think of the "time" you're not here as "money in the bank." Of course this is not literal money, but money in the "outside the box" sense. Which is how we encourage all of our employees to think.
See you all next Monday, refreshed and ready to start earning literal money again!
Monday, August 08, 2005
Hey, Jay? Did your ID work this morning?
Yep. Why? Didn't yours?
No. It wouldn't scan, so they searched my bag and slapped a Visitor sticker on me. And then they called up to Nina to let me in, and of course she wasn't here, so they called Alana instead, just to make sure she knew that I was fifteen minutes late. As if she wouldn't have noticed anyway. After all these years.
That's pretty annoying.
I know! Why is it suddenly not working?
That's weird. You did update it last week, right?
What?
Oh. Didn't you get the email? That everyone had to update their cards?
No?
Yeah, Friday was the deadline to renew it automatically just by replying to the email. After that, you have to go down to the badging station with a letter and some statement and all that stuff and get your photo redone. I'll forward you the email, even though it'll probably be too late for the automatic update. If I'd known you hadn't gotten it... bummer, MG.
Not your fault. Thanks, Jay.
Yep. Why? Didn't yours?
No. It wouldn't scan, so they searched my bag and slapped a Visitor sticker on me. And then they called up to Nina to let me in, and of course she wasn't here, so they called Alana instead, just to make sure she knew that I was fifteen minutes late. As if she wouldn't have noticed anyway. After all these years.
That's pretty annoying.
I know! Why is it suddenly not working?
That's weird. You did update it last week, right?
What?
Oh. Didn't you get the email? That everyone had to update their cards?
No?
Yeah, Friday was the deadline to renew it automatically just by replying to the email. After that, you have to go down to the badging station with a letter and some statement and all that stuff and get your photo redone. I'll forward you the email, even though it'll probably be too late for the automatic update. If I'd known you hadn't gotten it... bummer, MG.
Not your fault. Thanks, Jay.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Hey, MG. What'd you do this weekend?
Hi, Roger. Nothing, really.
I bet you got your beach on.
What?
You definitely got your sunburn on. I bet it was at the beach. So, you got your beach on.
Oh. No. I wasn't at the beach.
Then I bet you got your softball on. You play softball?
No.
What did you do, then?
I don't know. I guess I got my, sitting outside the laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry and I forgot to put sunscreen on, on.
Hi, Roger. Nothing, really.
I bet you got your beach on.
What?
You definitely got your sunburn on. I bet it was at the beach. So, you got your beach on.
Oh. No. I wasn't at the beach.
Then I bet you got your softball on. You play softball?
No.
What did you do, then?
I don't know. I guess I got my, sitting outside the laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry and I forgot to put sunscreen on, on.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Oh my god, MG. What happened to you?
Nothing, Leah.
Your nose is all red!
I know. I got sunburned.
Why? Sunburn is so bad for you!
I didn't do it on purpose. I used sunblock, but I guess it wiped off.
You have to be careful! My boyfriend always says, "Leah, did you put on your sunblock? Sunburn is so bad for you!" And I'm always like, "Yeah, I know!" and then he's like, "It can really give you wrinkles."
Yeah.
That's too bad you don't have anyone to remind you about the sunblock. Because sunburn can really give you wrinkles, you know.
Yeah, I've heard.
Nothing, Leah.
Your nose is all red!
I know. I got sunburned.
Why? Sunburn is so bad for you!
I didn't do it on purpose. I used sunblock, but I guess it wiped off.
You have to be careful! My boyfriend always says, "Leah, did you put on your sunblock? Sunburn is so bad for you!" And I'm always like, "Yeah, I know!" and then he's like, "It can really give you wrinkles."
Yeah.
That's too bad you don't have anyone to remind you about the sunblock. Because sunburn can really give you wrinkles, you know.
Yeah, I've heard.
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