Tuesday, November 25, 2003
whoo! gettin chilly out there!
sure is.
startin to really feel like november.
yep, sure is.
heck of a time to take out all the windows. par for the course around here, though, huh? well, what are ya gonna do? have a good one!
sure is.
startin to really feel like november.
yep, sure is.
heck of a time to take out all the windows. par for the course around here, though, huh? well, what are ya gonna do? have a good one!
re: the window situation. by the sweaters and jackets, we'll presume that you've all noticed by now that phase I of the long-awaited window replacement project was undertaken after everyone left last night, and we are pleased to report, is now complete.
now that all windows have been successfully removed, phase II, in which the new windows will be installed, can be put into motion. as with any project worth undertaking, there are still a few "hurdles" to overcome, at this particular juncture, primarily financial "hurdles." the board met this morning at a warm, toasty restaurant nearby and decided unanimously that if having windows is important to our employees here - as we believe it is - then we should all be willing to put our core value of "teamwork" to work, and "work" together as a "team" to support the phase II window initiative. collections will be taken in each department, and it would not be unreasonable to expect that the departments that reach their collection goals the fastest will be among the first to enjoy the benefits of having glass fitted into the openings where the old windows were.
now, put those thinking caps on over the wool hats you're already wearing, and come up with some "hot" ideas for working together!
now that all windows have been successfully removed, phase II, in which the new windows will be installed, can be put into motion. as with any project worth undertaking, there are still a few "hurdles" to overcome, at this particular juncture, primarily financial "hurdles." the board met this morning at a warm, toasty restaurant nearby and decided unanimously that if having windows is important to our employees here - as we believe it is - then we should all be willing to put our core value of "teamwork" to work, and "work" together as a "team" to support the phase II window initiative. collections will be taken in each department, and it would not be unreasonable to expect that the departments that reach their collection goals the fastest will be among the first to enjoy the benefits of having glass fitted into the openings where the old windows were.
now, put those thinking caps on over the wool hats you're already wearing, and come up with some "hot" ideas for working together!
Monday, November 24, 2003
note: today's "we" from "was" meeting has been postponed, indefinitely. it just didn't make any sense.
re: the restroom situation. toilet paper has been requisitioned and should be in place by the time everyone gets back from thanksgiving weekend. in the meantime, employees are welcome to bring their own, or pool resources to build up departmental stocks. in an effort not to "micromanage," we'll leave that decision up to you - we here at winkyshock trust our employees to put their "heads" together and "flush out" a solution! also worth thinking about: if all the time spent writing angry letters were redirected into improving your spreadsheets, where might we be today as a company? and would all the incoherent email in the world help you wipe your ass any better? one plus one is never going to equal three. pure simple logic, people. back to work.
hey! short week this week! thanksgiving, ya know. right, right. i actually keep forgetting. how can you forget thanksgiving? man, i am going to eat. yeah. we always eat too much, right? yeah. well, have a good one.
ahg, it's monday. mmhmm. well, only four and a half more days to go til the weekend. mmhmm. well, have a good one.
Friday, November 21, 2003
warm out there, eh? crazy weather we're having. crazy. but hey, i'll take it! right? i'm not complaining. have a good one.
friday today. yup. best daya the week. the best day of the week.
re: the water cooler. first off, a shipment of bottled water has been ordered and should be arriving by the end of next week, or the following at the latest. to the anonymous person who brought the problem to our attention, certainly thanks are in order.
having said that. taping to the empty jug a two page printout with data from the FDA on the importance of drinking 6-8 glasses of water per day with powerpoint graphics, and the latest EPA report on the quality of the tap water in this region - not to mention the painstakingly balanced pyramid of small, empty water bottles - while it shows admirable ingenuity and creativity, constitutes, perhaps, a misallocation of company time and resources. it has always been and remains our policy here at winkyshock that a hydrated employee is our strongest asset.
your concerns are duly noted. in the future, a word to your supervisor will be sufficient. now, let's see you get your feet "wet" and "pour" all that creativity into the "flow" of your spreadsheets. thank you, now back to work.
having said that. taping to the empty jug a two page printout with data from the FDA on the importance of drinking 6-8 glasses of water per day with powerpoint graphics, and the latest EPA report on the quality of the tap water in this region - not to mention the painstakingly balanced pyramid of small, empty water bottles - while it shows admirable ingenuity and creativity, constitutes, perhaps, a misallocation of company time and resources. it has always been and remains our policy here at winkyshock that a hydrated employee is our strongest asset.
your concerns are duly noted. in the future, a word to your supervisor will be sufficient. now, let's see you get your feet "wet" and "pour" all that creativity into the "flow" of your spreadsheets. thank you, now back to work.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
we'd like to thank everyone who signed up for our smoking cessation seminar, "get your butts out!" we're sure that the unfortunate behavior exhibited by the majority of participants will not be repeated at the next weekly session. one would not think it necessary to remind participants, adult participants, that it is not appropriate to fidget noisily and bolt for the door while a guest is speaking. no "butts" about it - is three hours too long to ask adults to sit still and pay attention?
while we're on the topic of health, this is directed to those of you with teenagers at home, or with temps and interns working in your department. before they get any crazy ideas about sticking holes in themselves, we recommend you show them this sobering cautionary, and oddly circuitous, piece. what is wrong with people these days? and why can't they just get to the point?
while we're on the topic of health, this is directed to those of you with teenagers at home, or with temps and interns working in your department. before they get any crazy ideas about sticking holes in themselves, we recommend you show them this sobering cautionary, and oddly circuitous, piece. what is wrong with people these days? and why can't they just get to the point?
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
attention all employees, the fire marshal would like to apologize for having left the PA system on just then. there is no cause for alarm. now get back to work.
i'm sorry, what's that? did you say something? i didn't quite hear you. you wanna say that again? no, no. i'm sorry. just say it. i won't be mad. i promise. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
re: the unusual items found in the bathroom
please come down to human resources immediately and claim these if they are yours. in light of the nature of the objects in question, inquiries will be kept confidential. this also seems as good a time as any to remind all staff members to please not hesitate to consider utilizing the excellent counseling facilities we make available here at winky shock. because mentally "sound" employees "sound" like "sound" business sense!
please come down to human resources immediately and claim these if they are yours. in light of the nature of the objects in question, inquiries will be kept confidential. this also seems as good a time as any to remind all staff members to please not hesitate to consider utilizing the excellent counseling facilities we make available here at winky shock. because mentally "sound" employees "sound" like "sound" business sense!
Monday, November 17, 2003
well, the results of our first annual poll are in. it took the whole weekend to get through all of them, and thanks for everyone pitching in overtime on that - your efforts are appreciated! - we think you'll like what we've come up with.
best of luck next year!
Honorable Mention: "Chilly and unpleasant"
Winner: "It's not so bad, my coat is a bit much."
best of luck next year!
Friday, November 14, 2003
stop clamoring, when everybody talks at once, no one can be heard, now can they? you can take your fingers off the redial button, at long last, here is your japanese word of the day:
you can use it to mean that you're really going all out to get a project finished. note: should not be confused with 腹切り (ha ra ki ri), which is ritual self-disembowelment. because people will get this funny alarmed and confused look and then laugh at you if you do. and then they'll probably hide the knives.
張り切る (ha ri ki ru) to be in high spirits; to be full of vigor; to be enthusiastic; to be eager; to stretch to breaking point.
you can use it to mean that you're really going all out to get a project finished. note: should not be confused with 腹切り (ha ra ki ri), which is ritual self-disembowelment. because people will get this funny alarmed and confused look and then laugh at you if you do. and then they'll probably hide the knives.
marketing has just presented us with a very exciting and truly exhausting -- exhaustive, ive fascinating work, guys -- report suggesting that their recent efforts have netted us a 200% saturation increase of our target audience share. we'd like to recognize each and every single one of you - we'd like to buy you flowers, take you to dinner, give you a hug. of course, that would be impossible - heck, a single medium-stemmed rose for each of our readers laid end-to-end would probably stretch to thomasville, north carolina and back three times. (that's the flowers laid end-to-end, not you guys.)
a hug for each of you that communicated sincerity and warmth but didn't last so long it became creepy would take so long that the overtime we'd have to pay our huggers would bankrupt us.
instead, we want to take a moment to let you know that we truly appreciate your patronage by passing on these words of wisdom:
here at winky shock, we never forget that
feel free to print that out and tape it to your monitor.
all we ask is that you remember to cite winky shock, tm and copyright 2003, all rights reserved.
a hug for each of you that communicated sincerity and warmth but didn't last so long it became creepy would take so long that the overtime we'd have to pay our huggers would bankrupt us.
instead, we want to take a moment to let you know that we truly appreciate your patronage by passing on these words of wisdom:
here at winky shock, we never forget that
without "u" there coud be no "us."
feel free to print that out and tape it to your monitor.
all we ask is that you remember to cite winky shock, tm and copyright 2003, all rights reserved.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
[redacted]
sorry for the delay. after reading through all the input we got in response to our call for winkyshock word of the day suggestions, one thing has been made perfectly clear: you know all the words already. all the english words, that is. so it's time you start brushing up on your japanese. took a few semesters in high school, know enough to order off the menu and find the bathrooms, sure, but isn't it time you really got back into it? we'll start with something simple:
that means good. it's pronounced "ee." (except when it's pronounced "yo-i," but we'll save that.)
here are some example sentences to get a better idea. what's that? the word "good" appears in hardly any of the sentences? wuss. why don't ya go learn spanish or something.
良い
that means good. it's pronounced "ee." (except when it's pronounced "yo-i," but we'll save that.)
here are some example sentences to get a better idea. what's that? the word "good" appears in hardly any of the sentences? wuss. why don't ya go learn spanish or something.
yes, yes, we can hear it too. and we'd like you all to be assured that the fact that the building is creaking like an ocean liner losing a fight with an iceberg is not indicative of any lack of structural integrity, necessarily. it's built to do that. it sways, see, so it doesn't snap in half. so get back to work.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
bit of an uproar in the commissary today! taking a moment to address this here, now this is really an internal announcement, but in the name of corporate transparency, winky shock will put this on the public record. apparently someone got the idea that there would be layoffs around here, and once word like that gets out, there's no putting it back in, it seems. there are no immediate plans for layoffs. we've carefully studied the staffing decisions made by thomasville furniture and though upon initial viewing, it seemed as though our business models were similar enough that what was good for the proverbial gander was good for its proverbial counterpart, winky shock is no goose. everyone may rest assured that their contributions as employees - team members, rather - are valued. it's the work of everyone working together that makes it all work. remember, there's no "i" in "team" and there's no bs in ws. well, there's an "s" in each, but it's different. shock. winky shock.
we've just learned the first lesson of computer programming, or so we're told. it is not, as first presumed, that it sometimes leads to tears but rather, sources insist, something about cross-browser whosit whatsit. english, please!
yes! now we're having some fun! subtle fun.
hover here?
hmm, that was uneventful. at best.
frankly, and this is coming from all, ok, most of us here, you the readers have let us down a bit. just because you personally don't know anyone affected by the thomasville furniture layoffs that's no reason to send angry letters asking how that affects you. obscure? you try telling the employees whose "levels" are being "rebalanced" that this isn't a story that affects all of us, nay, a story about all of us. being a citizen means being informed, and just because you can't be bothered to keep up with events in piedmont, north carolina doesn't mean you should take out your insecurities about your ability to digest the volume of information comprising our expanding global village on winky shock.
wow, it is, it is! href > whatever^&*> a/> my arse, you just have to press a button! we can start laying off staff here now with this development, just like thomasville furniture.
can it really be this easy to add a link?
whoa, sorry about that! looks like everything is back up and running. we did, as you've all pointed out, have a little server trouble over night, between all the late-night blog crawlers here and the work shirkers on the other side of the dateline, we were really pushing capacity there. but we've increased bandwidth, and hopefully there's enough for all the fans to share now. no pushing, no shoving, let's take turns, there's plenty for everyone! sheesh, people can be animals!
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
winking shockingly.
winkily shocky.
winking shockily.
some concerns have been brought to our attention here at winky shock. due to some misunderstandings in the press, some unfortunate rumors have been spread. as you can see, clearly, winky shock is alive and shocking winkily. thank you for your inquiries.
well, we've taken some time to sift through the old mail bag, and we're very excited to be able to announce that we've really gone a long way toward addressing some of your concerns. sure, we had to burn a little midnight oil to do it, but it's all about you, our readers. and if you're not winky shocked by the whole winky shock experience, then darnit, someone's not doing his or her job. so take a little look around, browse, test, savor, play. and of course, we'd love to hear what you think!
well, friends, as you can see, we've made a few changes around here. swept the floor, put up curtains, made a nice little dining area. no, wait! we did none of that! but we did flip around the title and subtitle. so, yeah. might not keep the neighbors from spying, but should keep the kids happy. ;O
let's just take this thing for a spin, shall we?
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