Monday, August 30, 2004
oh, goodness! you must be the one of the DARPs.
yes, i'm christopher.
christopher? but i thought christopher was from... africa. i was the one who put up the map of africa to make... you feel more at home. also i hung up the one with the kittens. because i believe that people from everywhere all love kittens, and there is just really nothing to make you feel better when you're lost in a strange foreign culture. or if you're from one, and then come here.
no, i'm actually from guyana.
well, dear, i'm sure that's what i just said? africa?
yes, i'm christopher.
christopher? but i thought christopher was from... africa. i was the one who put up the map of africa to make... you feel more at home. also i hung up the one with the kittens. because i believe that people from everywhere all love kittens, and there is just really nothing to make you feel better when you're lost in a strange foreign culture. or if you're from one, and then come here.
no, i'm actually from guyana.
well, dear, i'm sure that's what i just said? africa?
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
can you come in here a minute?
sure, yes.
the DARPs. what are we doing with them?
well, i had them researching our main competitors and putting together profiles on them that we can use to--
they are college students! they are interns. they do not put together profiles. we hire external consultanting teams for that. now, i need to have a report submitted on their activities to their program at the end of the week. here is a stack of projects i've put together for them. going forward, that's what i need them to work on. i think they'll be self explanatory, but i've put post-its on them where there might questions.
ok, but should i have them finish what--
this is the stack of projects i need them to do. and frankly, i am not one hundred percent convinced that we're matching our expectations on their performance levels. what's your reading on that?
well, i think given that--
ok, fine, fine. just draft that into the report and have a copy for me by friday. and going forward, when you volunteer for an extra project like this, i expect you to take ownership of it and actualize your responsibility for its follow-through.
but i didn't even really--
ok, perfect. thank you. can you send alana in on your way out?
sure, yes.
the DARPs. what are we doing with them?
well, i had them researching our main competitors and putting together profiles on them that we can use to--
they are college students! they are interns. they do not put together profiles. we hire external consultanting teams for that. now, i need to have a report submitted on their activities to their program at the end of the week. here is a stack of projects i've put together for them. going forward, that's what i need them to work on. i think they'll be self explanatory, but i've put post-its on them where there might questions.
ok, but should i have them finish what--
this is the stack of projects i need them to do. and frankly, i am not one hundred percent convinced that we're matching our expectations on their performance levels. what's your reading on that?
well, i think given that--
ok, fine, fine. just draft that into the report and have a copy for me by friday. and going forward, when you volunteer for an extra project like this, i expect you to take ownership of it and actualize your responsibility for its follow-through.
but i didn't even really--
ok, perfect. thank you. can you send alana in on your way out?
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
hey, look, mg! do you know my name?
yes, roger. i do.
it's bugs! know why?
no.
remember the wing eating contest, when rob ate the most wings so he got to be called wings?
can we stop this story now?
no, i didn't explain it yet!
oh, roge-- bugs! i almost forgot! the interns asked if they could see your playstation games and i was thinking it would be, um, totally sweet if you could show them. like maybe, now?
oh, that is sweet! i'm sick of playing against rob. he always wins. i'm gonna show them right now. thanks, mg!
yes, roger. i do.
it's bugs! know why?
no.
remember the wing eating contest, when rob ate the most wings so he got to be called wings?
can we stop this story now?
no, i didn't explain it yet!
oh, roge-- bugs! i almost forgot! the interns asked if they could see your playstation games and i was thinking it would be, um, totally sweet if you could show them. like maybe, now?
oh, that is sweet! i'm sick of playing against rob. he always wins. i'm gonna show them right now. thanks, mg!
Monday, August 23, 2004
hey, mg! are you a muppetist?
a what?
a muppetist! i am.
um, ok, roger. i am really not even going to ask--
it means someone who likes the muppets. duh. don't you like the muppets?
well, yeah, but--
remember that song? it was like da da da da da, DA DA DA DA DA, DA! DA! DA! DA!--
yes, i remember it.
well, see? you're a muppetist, too. all this time i was one, and i didn't even know there was a word for it.
that's because there isn't. where did you hear this?
i was getting milk in the coffee room and i heard two people walk in talking, but only sort of, you know like how you can hear people talking but you can't hear exactly what they're saying, because you're kind of humming something and your head is in the refrigerator? it was like that.
uh huh.
and then i heard one of them say my name, so i was like, they're talking about me, and then they said something about muppetism.
ahh.
so i figured out what it meant, and i turned around to them and i was like, yeah! i do love the muppets! how did you know?
hm.
and they just looked at me, because they probably didn't realize i was standing right there. so i was like, "yeah, i used to always watch them growing up." and then i was like, "me and my uncle used to always watch together. you know, the one who works down the hall?" and they just had this weird sort of shocked look.
i can imagine.
i guess they didn't think he was the kind of person who likes the muppets.
a what?
a muppetist! i am.
um, ok, roger. i am really not even going to ask--
it means someone who likes the muppets. duh. don't you like the muppets?
well, yeah, but--
remember that song? it was like da da da da da, DA DA DA DA DA, DA! DA! DA! DA!--
yes, i remember it.
well, see? you're a muppetist, too. all this time i was one, and i didn't even know there was a word for it.
that's because there isn't. where did you hear this?
i was getting milk in the coffee room and i heard two people walk in talking, but only sort of, you know like how you can hear people talking but you can't hear exactly what they're saying, because you're kind of humming something and your head is in the refrigerator? it was like that.
uh huh.
and then i heard one of them say my name, so i was like, they're talking about me, and then they said something about muppetism.
ahh.
so i figured out what it meant, and i turned around to them and i was like, yeah! i do love the muppets! how did you know?
hm.
and they just looked at me, because they probably didn't realize i was standing right there. so i was like, "yeah, i used to always watch them growing up." and then i was like, "me and my uncle used to always watch together. you know, the one who works down the hall?" and they just had this weird sort of shocked look.
i can imagine.
i guess they didn't think he was the kind of person who likes the muppets.
Friday, August 20, 2004
going to grab a coffee, mg. want one?
nah. thanks, vin. but you know, i actually switched to green tea with the caffeine ban. i got used to it. i actually like it, even though it's supposed to be sort of good for you or whatever.
really? that is amazing! green tea is supposed to be incredible for you!
yep. it feels kind of clean. it has some caffeine, but not as much as coffee. and it doesn't have whatever other crap coffee has in it. i'm going to stick with that for a while.
you are off coffee? i hadn't even noticed. what with all the chaos around here. i have been a basket case. i've been keeping my go bag strapped around my waist in a fanny pack. one day it's the lights off and on, and the next it's the fire alarms and everything else, i don't have to tell you. it has been a horror on my skin. dry, scrunchy, panicky. not to mention i always think we're about to die any minute.
yeah, it's been crazy. but now that the construction's stopped it should be settled for a while.
did they finish already? i thought it was still those hideous dropcloths draped all around where the walls were?
yeah, no, they're not finished. they're on strike or something. i heard they'd been working without a contract and finally just stopped until they get one. vin, did you say your skin is 'panicky'?
oh, yes! see, you probably don't have that problem, because green tea is perfect for it. you've been soothing your skin, and you didn't even realize it. espresso only makes it startle more easily. but what can i do? a daily double macchiatto is the only vice i allow myself anymore. unless you count sneaking the occasional peek in the locker room at the gym. which i don't. well, just like they suggested, i'm "off for coffee!" back in a snap.
nah. thanks, vin. but you know, i actually switched to green tea with the caffeine ban. i got used to it. i actually like it, even though it's supposed to be sort of good for you or whatever.
really? that is amazing! green tea is supposed to be incredible for you!
yep. it feels kind of clean. it has some caffeine, but not as much as coffee. and it doesn't have whatever other crap coffee has in it. i'm going to stick with that for a while.
you are off coffee? i hadn't even noticed. what with all the chaos around here. i have been a basket case. i've been keeping my go bag strapped around my waist in a fanny pack. one day it's the lights off and on, and the next it's the fire alarms and everything else, i don't have to tell you. it has been a horror on my skin. dry, scrunchy, panicky. not to mention i always think we're about to die any minute.
yeah, it's been crazy. but now that the construction's stopped it should be settled for a while.
did they finish already? i thought it was still those hideous dropcloths draped all around where the walls were?
yeah, no, they're not finished. they're on strike or something. i heard they'd been working without a contract and finally just stopped until they get one. vin, did you say your skin is 'panicky'?
oh, yes! see, you probably don't have that problem, because green tea is perfect for it. you've been soothing your skin, and you didn't even realize it. espresso only makes it startle more easily. but what can i do? a daily double macchiatto is the only vice i allow myself anymore. unless you count sneaking the occasional peek in the locker room at the gym. which i don't. well, just like they suggested, i'm "off for coffee!" back in a snap.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
hey, jay, did you know that there's a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program?
here?
no!
where?
i don't know. around here somewhere, i guess.
hm. yeah. i mean, sure, why wouldn't there be? mg, are you, um, ok? was there something you wanted to--
no! not for me! christ! don't tell me you believed that bs, too? no, i'm just saying, there's a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program! i got a call for them today.
uh, you lost me.
drug and alcohol rehabilitation? program? see? those poor kids. the DARPs. their internship program. some fucking genius gave it the same name as a rehab center! can you imagine what'll happen when they put it on their resumes?
here?
no!
where?
i don't know. around here somewhere, i guess.
hm. yeah. i mean, sure, why wouldn't there be? mg, are you, um, ok? was there something you wanted to--
no! not for me! christ! don't tell me you believed that bs, too? no, i'm just saying, there's a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program! i got a call for them today.
uh, you lost me.
drug and alcohol rehabilitation? program? see? those poor kids. the DARPs. their internship program. some fucking genius gave it the same name as a rehab center! can you imagine what'll happen when they put it on their resumes?
can i use the computer? i need to see if my roommate's check bounced yet.
in a minute. hold on.
do you think that guy was for real?
i don't know. who? what do you mean?
that guy. roger? can someone really be a lit major if they hate reading?
i don't know. maybe it's like-- nah. yeah. that is weird. he seems like he does ok, though.
yeah, his office is almost as big as the one we had before.
true. so, yeah. he must be smart.
in a minute. hold on.
do you think that guy was for real?
i don't know. who? what do you mean?
that guy. roger? can someone really be a lit major if they hate reading?
i don't know. maybe it's like-- nah. yeah. that is weird. he seems like he does ok, though.
yeah, his office is almost as big as the one we had before.
true. so, yeah. he must be smart.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
if anybody else said "caffeinaterated" i'd think it was kind of funny. but here it's just-- sorry, can you hold on a minute?
good morning, winkyshock, this is mg.
yes... yes, we are involved with that program.
well, i suppose that would be me, at least for the time being.
you'd what?
i'm sorry, you have a problem with what?
no, no, we don't do anything like that. i think you must have the wrong--
well, yes. as part of the program, we take in several outstanding college students each summer who--
no, i don't believe they have any particular issues like that, not that we're aware of. it's a talent development prog--
yes, i am. and yes, i do. it is the Diversity Augmentation Recruitment Program.
what? oh! oh, no. that's... not us. i see how you were confused, though. sorry. um, good luck.
good morning, winkyshock, this is mg.
yes... yes, we are involved with that program.
well, i suppose that would be me, at least for the time being.
you'd what?
i'm sorry, you have a problem with what?
no, no, we don't do anything like that. i think you must have the wrong--
well, yes. as part of the program, we take in several outstanding college students each summer who--
no, i don't believe they have any particular issues like that, not that we're aware of. it's a talent development prog--
yes, i am. and yes, i do. it is the Diversity Augmentation Recruitment Program.
what? oh! oh, no. that's... not us. i see how you were confused, though. sorry. um, good luck.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
hey, you guys are the DARPS, right?
yep.
yeah.
sweet. i wish i was an intern. i'm roger. i'm the one who hired you guys, sort of.
oh. um, thanks.
yeah, thanks.
so, what are you guys majoring in?
economics.
communications.
that's cool, that's cool. me, i studied literature.
yeah?
really? that's a lot of reading.
oh, no! i hate reading! but i figured it out so i could get by without reading hardly anything! i could basically pick up the concepts in class, and from notes, and totally pass the tests. i never even bought any of the stupid books.
why did you major in lit if you lit if you hate books?
yeah, that's... weird.
well, me, i love concepts. and literature has lots of concepts. also, i originally wanted to go into the music industry and be a producer, so, see?
um, yeah.
yeah, that's cool.
yep.
yeah.
sweet. i wish i was an intern. i'm roger. i'm the one who hired you guys, sort of.
oh. um, thanks.
yeah, thanks.
so, what are you guys majoring in?
economics.
communications.
that's cool, that's cool. me, i studied literature.
yeah?
really? that's a lot of reading.
oh, no! i hate reading! but i figured it out so i could get by without reading hardly anything! i could basically pick up the concepts in class, and from notes, and totally pass the tests. i never even bought any of the stupid books.
why did you major in lit if you lit if you hate books?
yeah, that's... weird.
well, me, i love concepts. and literature has lots of concepts. also, i originally wanted to go into the music industry and be a producer, so, see?
um, yeah.
yeah, that's cool.
Monday, August 16, 2004
attention all employees:
an energetic staff is our primary goal here. despite this there is an indication that the employee teams have been performing "sluggish" lately. after a series of meetings, management has decided to introduce mandatory coffee breaks. we'd like to encourage all of you to "make a latte part of your day."
now get back to work - caffeinaterated!
an energetic staff is our primary goal here. despite this there is an indication that the employee teams have been performing "sluggish" lately. after a series of meetings, management has decided to introduce mandatory coffee breaks. we'd like to encourage all of you to "make a latte part of your day."
now get back to work - caffeinaterated!
Friday, August 13, 2004
hey, you've been on all day. can i use our computer for a minute?
in a minute. i'm IMing this girl i just met online.
whatever. it's probably not even a girl. i need to check my bank account.
right now? this girl is into me! i put up a missed connection about her, this hot girl i saw on the subway in a pleated mini skirt and she totally answered it! she emailed me back and i emailed her and now we're chatting. i swear, this is like fate. what are the chances that that girl saw my ad?! she's about to start college. two years younger, perfect.
exactly, what are the chances? it is so not the girl you saw. guaranteed. some pervy dude, i'm sure of it. that happened to my older brother once. you should get offline before he emails you a picture of his wang and gets us in trouble. lemme get online.
why are you in such a hurry?
i think my roommate's rent check might have bounced.
yeah?
yeah. the guy is a total cokehead. his internship is at least paid, so he should have money, but him and his friends hoover it all. he gets deliveries like three times a week. and they take the bathroom mirror out and leave it on the living room table all the time, so i can't even shave right in the morning.
wow, that blows.
hilarious, asshead. lemme use the computer.
in a minute. i'm IMing this girl i just met online.
whatever. it's probably not even a girl. i need to check my bank account.
right now? this girl is into me! i put up a missed connection about her, this hot girl i saw on the subway in a pleated mini skirt and she totally answered it! she emailed me back and i emailed her and now we're chatting. i swear, this is like fate. what are the chances that that girl saw my ad?! she's about to start college. two years younger, perfect.
exactly, what are the chances? it is so not the girl you saw. guaranteed. some pervy dude, i'm sure of it. that happened to my older brother once. you should get offline before he emails you a picture of his wang and gets us in trouble. lemme get online.
why are you in such a hurry?
i think my roommate's rent check might have bounced.
yeah?
yeah. the guy is a total cokehead. his internship is at least paid, so he should have money, but him and his friends hoover it all. he gets deliveries like three times a week. and they take the bathroom mirror out and leave it on the living room table all the time, so i can't even shave right in the morning.
wow, that blows.
hilarious, asshead. lemme use the computer.
hey, where are those fries from?
um, hey roger. burger king. did you want some?
no. you see, me, i like burger king fries, but i don't really like them. know what i mean?
uh, not really.
well, if there were some fries right in front of me, i wouldn't not eat them. but if they weren't right in front of me, i wouldn't eat them. not that i wouldn't eat them, but i wouldn't go out of my way to eat them.
hm.
because i don't really like them. but, i mean, not that i don't not like them. you know?
um.
what's wrong? you have a weird look on your face. do they taste weird or something?
um, hey roger. burger king. did you want some?
no. you see, me, i like burger king fries, but i don't really like them. know what i mean?
uh, not really.
well, if there were some fries right in front of me, i wouldn't not eat them. but if they weren't right in front of me, i wouldn't eat them. not that i wouldn't eat them, but i wouldn't go out of my way to eat them.
hm.
because i don't really like them. but, i mean, not that i don't not like them. you know?
um.
what's wrong? you have a weird look on your face. do they taste weird or something?
Thursday, August 12, 2004
oh. i must have got the wrong room. i was looking for nina.
she switched offices.
she's down the hall and around the corner, the big office.
ok, because i just have a delivery for her.
want me to bring it to her?
we can probably sign for it.
oh, nah, i don't think, i think i better take it to her in person.
wait a sec, do i, hmm, you look...
don't think so, man. alright, thanks. later.
bye. did you know that guy? he looked a little sketchy.
i don't know. he looks so familiar. this is gonna bug me. i can't think of where, but i'm sure i've seen him before.
she switched offices.
she's down the hall and around the corner, the big office.
ok, because i just have a delivery for her.
want me to bring it to her?
we can probably sign for it.
oh, nah, i don't think, i think i better take it to her in person.
wait a sec, do i, hmm, you look...
don't think so, man. alright, thanks. later.
bye. did you know that guy? he looked a little sketchy.
i don't know. he looks so familiar. this is gonna bug me. i can't think of where, but i'm sure i've seen him before.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
yeah, so the phones work - obviously - and the computers are fine, but the lights have been going off and on for two days.
they're not sure. but it seems like when the security company disabled or enabled whatever so the ac could go back on--
i know. i have no idea either. that's what i heard the engineering guys say. so when they got the ac back on, it overloaded something and now the circuit that the lights are on is screwy.
exactly.
ha, yeah, not a chance. that'd be nice, though, wouldn't it. hey, other line, i'll talk to you later, ok?
they're not sure. but it seems like when the security company disabled or enabled whatever so the ac could go back on--
i know. i have no idea either. that's what i heard the engineering guys say. so when they got the ac back on, it overloaded something and now the circuit that the lights are on is screwy.
exactly.
ha, yeah, not a chance. that'd be nice, though, wouldn't it. hey, other line, i'll talk to you later, ok?
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
morning, how's it-- what the?
huh! i wonder what--?
hey! are your-- yeah, you too! is it every--
you guys! what's going--
i bet it's the al quaeda!
don't say that, i read yesterday that--
oh my god, you all! the lights in the bathroom just-- oh, here, too? oh my god!
are the phones dead? i bet we can't even call for help! where's my cell? are the cell phones dead?
i knew this would happen if people plugged in fans! i told you! i told you not to--
hmm, take a look at this.
what?
computer seems to be running fine.
but all the lights are--
i know.
huh! i wonder what--?
hey! are your-- yeah, you too! is it every--
you guys! what's going--
i bet it's the al quaeda!
don't say that, i read yesterday that--
oh my god, you all! the lights in the bathroom just-- oh, here, too? oh my god!
are the phones dead? i bet we can't even call for help! where's my cell? are the cell phones dead?
i knew this would happen if people plugged in fans! i told you! i told you not to--
hmm, take a look at this.
what?
computer seems to be running fine.
but all the lights are--
i know.
that is spooky! what did you do?
yeah, why is it on?
dunno. maybe it's a winkyshock miracle. or a ghost. woooooh.
ew, she's creepy. i'm getting my cell phone. does your cell phone work?
you scared them off quick.
yeah, hafta remember that one.
how did you make your computer stay on?
how the hell should i know? it's just on. figures, right?
Friday, August 06, 2004
oh, were you leaving already?
yes, i was going to. it's so hot in here, and it is friday. did you need something?
well, no, no. that's ok. i can just, take care of it monday. except...
yes?
no, that's alright. i suppose. it'll just... no. nothing to worry about. i guess. i don't mind staying later. you have a great weekend.
uh, thanks. you too.
yes, i was going to. it's so hot in here, and it is friday. did you need something?
well, no, no. that's ok. i can just, take care of it monday. except...
yes?
no, that's alright. i suppose. it'll just... no. nothing to worry about. i guess. i don't mind staying later. you have a great weekend.
uh, thanks. you too.
you're not allowed to have that.
this is just water, alana, i'm not drinking coffee!
not that, the fan. you're not allowed to have fans.
what do you mean? it's like 100 degrees in here.
if everybody put a fan on their desk, it would overload the circuits and the power would go out again. so you have to unplug it, or i'll have to write you up.
but everybody doesn't have a fan. no one else even thought of setting one up.
yes, but they could. technically.
this is just water, alana, i'm not drinking coffee!
not that, the fan. you're not allowed to have fans.
what do you mean? it's like 100 degrees in here.
if everybody put a fan on their desk, it would overload the circuits and the power would go out again. so you have to unplug it, or i'll have to write you up.
but everybody doesn't have a fan. no one else even thought of setting one up.
yes, but they could. technically.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
hi, have you seen mg?
she's not in her cubicle.
no, was there something you needed?
well, um, just that our computer is gone.
and the phone is reprogrammed.
oh. yes. you should have been notified. i was, um, put in charge of finding you a more appropriate work space and the best space of all happened to be, um, where our director, nina, sits. so, she said to tell you that she has graciously agreed to swap places with you. you get her old office, and she'll take over 520 from you.
um, ok.
where is it?
right over here. see, there's your computer.
wow, this is a lot smaller.
think we get to bring the playstation here?
she's not in her cubicle.
no, was there something you needed?
well, um, just that our computer is gone.
and the phone is reprogrammed.
oh. yes. you should have been notified. i was, um, put in charge of finding you a more appropriate work space and the best space of all happened to be, um, where our director, nina, sits. so, she said to tell you that she has graciously agreed to swap places with you. you get her old office, and she'll take over 520 from you.
um, ok.
where is it?
right over here. see, there's your computer.
wow, this is a lot smaller.
think we get to bring the playstation here?
nylons? nylons? ok, i'll leave my nylons at home today. thank god they had these little desktop fans on sale down the street. i picked one up for you, too, jay.
yeah? that was nice of you. thanks.
you look so miserable in long sleeves, i couldn't help it.
yeah, alana threatened a corrective action slip if i didn't button up. at least women can get away with short sleeves, and sandals.
yeah, that does totally make up for getting paid a third less than you.
you do not.
well, maybe not me personally. but you know.
yeah? that was nice of you. thanks.
you look so miserable in long sleeves, i couldn't help it.
yeah, alana threatened a corrective action slip if i didn't button up. at least women can get away with short sleeves, and sandals.
yeah, that does totally make up for getting paid a third less than you.
you do not.
well, maybe not me personally. but you know.
attention all employees:
management would like you to know that we are in the process of mediating the air conditioning situation. the intruder alert corporation, whose product was responsible for the automatic pre-emptive cooling disconnection, and who will be on point to restore air conditioning service, will return from vacation next monday, and will address our situation at that time.
in the meantime, management would like to stress the importance of maintaining a professional appearance and demeanor. any workforce can appear"calm, cool, and collected" when working conditions are "calm and cool." at winkyshock, we will strive to distinguish our corporate image by appearing "calm and cool." therefore, we will raise our "best in class" performance to include the updated "emergency dress code": men may remove neckties, and women may refrain from wearing nylons.
when climatic conditions return to normal, of course, so will the dress code that our consultants devised and outlined for us. (please refer to manual)
we hope you'll find this change as "refreshing" as actual air conditioning would be.
management would like you to know that we are in the process of mediating the air conditioning situation. the intruder alert corporation, whose product was responsible for the automatic pre-emptive cooling disconnection, and who will be on point to restore air conditioning service, will return from vacation next monday, and will address our situation at that time.
in the meantime, management would like to stress the importance of maintaining a professional appearance and demeanor. any workforce can appear"calm, cool, and collected" when working conditions are "calm and cool." at winkyshock, we will strive to distinguish our corporate image by appearing "calm and cool." therefore, we will raise our "best in class" performance to include the updated "emergency dress code": men may remove neckties, and women may refrain from wearing nylons.
when climatic conditions return to normal, of course, so will the dress code that our consultants devised and outlined for us. (please refer to manual)
we hope you'll find this change as "refreshing" as actual air conditioning would be.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
i'm so glad i wore a tank top under my shirt today.
whoo whoo, i'm glad you did, too!
please, jay, it is too hot in here for you to suddenly develop a pulse. although you can rock a rock a white undershirt, i have to say...
whoo whoo, i'm glad you did, too!
please, jay, it is too hot in here for you to suddenly develop a pulse. although you can rock a rock a white undershirt, i have to say...
god, it's brutal in here. what is the deal? it's worse than my apartment!
you guys! i think the ac is off!
what tipped ya off, roger? was it the trails of sweat everyone's leaving behind them?
ew, that's gross. nobody's leaving trails of sweat. but my keyboard is totally, like, wet from my hands. and the mouse, too. why did they shut the ac off?
i'm sure it's not on purpose. they must have fucked it up with the construction, somehow.
oh, yeah. well, maybe we can get space coolers in the meantime.
space coolers?
yeah. like space heaters you put under your desk. but, they make it cool instead of hot. i'm gonna go ask my uncle if we can get some. later, guys!
it's such a fine line sometimes between genius and moron.
you guys! i think the ac is off!
what tipped ya off, roger? was it the trails of sweat everyone's leaving behind them?
ew, that's gross. nobody's leaving trails of sweat. but my keyboard is totally, like, wet from my hands. and the mouse, too. why did they shut the ac off?
i'm sure it's not on purpose. they must have fucked it up with the construction, somehow.
oh, yeah. well, maybe we can get space coolers in the meantime.
space coolers?
yeah. like space heaters you put under your desk. but, they make it cool instead of hot. i'm gonna go ask my uncle if we can get some. later, guys!
it's such a fine line sometimes between genius and moron.
mg, dear, you're good with the internet, right?
um, yeah, i guess.
oh, good! because it just spins me around in knots. but i found something i just have to have and i thought, now who could help me with that? and i thought, mg! i'll just bet that she's ordered things on the line before.
on the line?
of course! on the line. when you buy something from the internet. don't tell me you never have?
oh, online. yes, sure, joanne. what are you trying to order?
a yoga tape. now, i know what you're thinking, joanne? doing yoga!? can you just imagine? well, of course, it's not for me.
no?
it's for my sweet little babies. i just feel like i should do more for them. i said, how can i give more back to them after all the preciousness they give to me? and i saw this video for yoga for cats, and i thought, what would be better than helping them get higher spiritual consciousness and increased flexibility? i'm not sure how i'll be able to tell if that happens to them or not, but it's supposed to reduce their hairballs, too, so, either way. there's a little cartoon of the yoga teacher, too, and he's adorable - he actually looks a little like our president!
the teacher?
yes, his name is karl. i think it would be extra special for the cats to learn from him. i bet they won't even be able to tell the difference! they'll think they're doing yoga with georgie b himself. now what do i need to order from the internet? if i just give you my bank account number, can you take care of it, dear?
um, yeah, i guess.
oh, good! because it just spins me around in knots. but i found something i just have to have and i thought, now who could help me with that? and i thought, mg! i'll just bet that she's ordered things on the line before.
on the line?
of course! on the line. when you buy something from the internet. don't tell me you never have?
oh, online. yes, sure, joanne. what are you trying to order?
a yoga tape. now, i know what you're thinking, joanne? doing yoga!? can you just imagine? well, of course, it's not for me.
no?
it's for my sweet little babies. i just feel like i should do more for them. i said, how can i give more back to them after all the preciousness they give to me? and i saw this video for yoga for cats, and i thought, what would be better than helping them get higher spiritual consciousness and increased flexibility? i'm not sure how i'll be able to tell if that happens to them or not, but it's supposed to reduce their hairballs, too, so, either way. there's a little cartoon of the yoga teacher, too, and he's adorable - he actually looks a little like our president!
the teacher?
yes, his name is karl. i think it would be extra special for the cats to learn from him. i bet they won't even be able to tell the difference! they'll think they're doing yoga with georgie b himself. now what do i need to order from the internet? if i just give you my bank account number, can you take care of it, dear?
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
i don't know. i mean, it's like ordering chinese food in france. hold on a sec? other line.
good afternoon, winkyshock, how can i help you?
i'm sorry, what?
i'm sorry, you'll have to speak up a bit.
yes, fine, there's just some construction going on here.
sorry, who?
i'm really sorry, if you can hear me, the workers go on break at 12:30. would you mind calling back then?
good afternoon, winkyshock, how can i help you?
i'm sorry, what?
i'm sorry, you'll have to speak up a bit.
yes, fine, there's just some construction going on here.
sorry, who?
i'm really sorry, if you can hear me, the workers go on break at 12:30. would you mind calling back then?
attention all employees:
management has decided that, after a series of successful evacuations, standard policy for the duration of the "core of light" infrastructure improvement program will be to NOT evacuate. we would like all employees to please remain at their assigned tasks, even if the endangerment alert system should be activated.
"where there's smoke, there's fire" is an old saying, but in this case, "where there's smoke, there's just soldering and some construction dust." so, until further notice, please remain dedicated to your team's efforts. as the contractors "tear out" walls to "build" a stronger building, we ask all of you to "tear out" the distraction of the alarm system and "build" a stronger company. thank you, and get back to work.
management has decided that, after a series of successful evacuations, standard policy for the duration of the "core of light" infrastructure improvement program will be to NOT evacuate. we would like all employees to please remain at their assigned tasks, even if the endangerment alert system should be activated.
"where there's smoke, there's fire" is an old saying, but in this case, "where there's smoke, there's just soldering and some construction dust." so, until further notice, please remain dedicated to your team's efforts. as the contractors "tear out" walls to "build" a stronger building, we ask all of you to "tear out" the distraction of the alarm system and "build" a stronger company. thank you, and get back to work.
at least it's not quite as hot out here today.
yeah, and a full hour and a half before the first evacuation. oh, there's kwesi and christopher. lucky bastards, the alarm in their hallway doesn't work and they just chilled in that office i found for them all day yesterday. guess alana routed them out today. hey, guys!
hi, mg.
hey.
you guys know jay, right? jay, these are the DARPs.
we don't really know anyone.
nice to meet you.
you guys don't smoke, do you?
nope.
no.
good! you shouldn't! it's a filthy, horrible habit. good for you. damn, i wish i had a light, though.
oh, actually, i've always got a lighter for my one-hi-- ow!
chris!
just trying to be helpful.
um, no questions asked, can i just borrow it real quick?
yeah, and a full hour and a half before the first evacuation. oh, there's kwesi and christopher. lucky bastards, the alarm in their hallway doesn't work and they just chilled in that office i found for them all day yesterday. guess alana routed them out today. hey, guys!
hi, mg.
hey.
you guys know jay, right? jay, these are the DARPs.
we don't really know anyone.
nice to meet you.
you guys don't smoke, do you?
nope.
no.
good! you shouldn't! it's a filthy, horrible habit. good for you. damn, i wish i had a light, though.
oh, actually, i've always got a lighter for my one-hi-- ow!
chris!
just trying to be helpful.
um, no questions asked, can i just borrow it real quick?
Monday, August 02, 2004
i am so glad i wore flip flops today. i'd be melting out here.
yeah, it's brutal.
i know they don't really go with my outfit, but, you know, mc, you really kind of inspired me.
yeah?
yes, i should totally thank you. i thought, i should be more like mc, and just not worry what i look like!
yeah, it's brutal.
i know they don't really go with my outfit, but, you know, mc, you really kind of inspired me.
yeah?
yes, i should totally thank you. i thought, i should be more like mc, and just not worry what i look like!
so, whaddya think?
i think this is total bullshit! it's like they're trying to keep us in some hyper-controlled state of anxiety all the time! if the alarm goes off every two hours, how would we ever know if anything ever really were wrong? now i jump every time the phone rings. i keep glancing up at the alarm to see if it's about to go off. i can't concentrate. how are we supposed to work like this? and it's sweltering outside and freezing in here and going in and out is going to make us all sick. not to mention now i'm wearing sneakers instead of sandals because we might have to evacuate at any minute. bullshit! that's what i think!
hmm, yeah, ok. i see what you're saying. i just meant, what do you think of my new necktie. but yeah, you totally have a point.
i think this is total bullshit! it's like they're trying to keep us in some hyper-controlled state of anxiety all the time! if the alarm goes off every two hours, how would we ever know if anything ever really were wrong? now i jump every time the phone rings. i keep glancing up at the alarm to see if it's about to go off. i can't concentrate. how are we supposed to work like this? and it's sweltering outside and freezing in here and going in and out is going to make us all sick. not to mention now i'm wearing sneakers instead of sandals because we might have to evacuate at any minute. bullshit! that's what i think!
hmm, yeah, ok. i see what you're saying. i just meant, what do you think of my new necktie. but yeah, you totally have a point.
attention all employees:
due to the infrastructural improvements we are currently undergoing, therefore we expect a certain level of disruption to continue throughout the days to come. as you may have noticed on friday, the construction improvements may occasionally cause the activation of our employee endangerment alert system. of course, it is imperative that each instance of the activation of the alert system be treated like "the real thing" and all employees should evacuate in a timely and serious fashion. management thanks you for your patients, cooperation, and understanding during this time of growth. now please, get back to work (unless the alert system is currently in activation mode).
due to the infrastructural improvements we are currently undergoing, therefore we expect a certain level of disruption to continue throughout the days to come. as you may have noticed on friday, the construction improvements may occasionally cause the activation of our employee endangerment alert system. of course, it is imperative that each instance of the activation of the alert system be treated like "the real thing" and all employees should evacuate in a timely and serious fashion. management thanks you for your patients, cooperation, and understanding during this time of growth. now please, get back to work (unless the alert system is currently in activation mode).
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