Friday, February 17, 2006
Oh my god, you guys want to hear something totally strange?
What happened, Leah?
Okay, well you know how my boyfriend was like, did you get my flowers, and I was like, no, and he was like, oh my god they got lost, and then I was like, oh! I found them, they went to the wrong person?
Oh, "went" to the wrong person. That's a nice way to say somebody actually took your flowers. I still can't believe that.
Alana, I don't think MG did it on purpose. She said they were just on her desk when she got there. Anyway, so I told my boyfriend that I found his flowers and he was like, oh, really? Great! He sounded really, really surprised! I guess that's because if you send flowers and they, like, disappear, you don't expect that they're going to turn up.
Yeah.
So, anyway, I was like, I totally found it, but I wasn't even sure what kind it was! And so I asked him, I said, "So, what kind of flower do you call that?" And he was like, uh, roses? And then I was like, the flowers must have gotten really mixed up, because I don't know what this is, but it's not a rose! And he was like, uh, it's not?
Oh, you know men. They can't tell the difference between flowers. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's not like he would just lie about sending you flowers, right?
Right! Of course not.
What happened, Leah?
Okay, well you know how my boyfriend was like, did you get my flowers, and I was like, no, and he was like, oh my god they got lost, and then I was like, oh! I found them, they went to the wrong person?
Oh, "went" to the wrong person. That's a nice way to say somebody actually took your flowers. I still can't believe that.
Alana, I don't think MG did it on purpose. She said they were just on her desk when she got there. Anyway, so I told my boyfriend that I found his flowers and he was like, oh, really? Great! He sounded really, really surprised! I guess that's because if you send flowers and they, like, disappear, you don't expect that they're going to turn up.
Yeah.
So, anyway, I was like, I totally found it, but I wasn't even sure what kind it was! And so I asked him, I said, "So, what kind of flower do you call that?" And he was like, uh, roses? And then I was like, the flowers must have gotten really mixed up, because I don't know what this is, but it's not a rose! And he was like, uh, it's not?
Oh, you know men. They can't tell the difference between flowers. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's not like he would just lie about sending you flowers, right?
Right! Of course not.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Hey, you okay, MG? You look bummed out. I mean, more than usual.
Hi, Jay. Yeah. I just...
Just what?
Something just doesn't add up.
What's that?
Leah's boyfriend is always sending her crap at the office, right?
Yeah. He used to. I haven't seen much lately, but yeah.
And it's always stuff that you can't miss, right? Like that huge red teddy bear, and the balloon bouquet, and that damned frog that sang every time someone walked past?
Yeah. True, hard to miss.
And then she always reads the gross, mushy card out loud to everyone who gets within earshot for three days, right?
That's for sure.
So, how come on Valentine's day, he suddenly sends her something that's actually tasteful, with no card?
Hm. Good point. Maybe he changed?
Uh, Jay?
Yeah, yeah. You're right. Huh. That is strange. What do you think it means?
I don't know. But I do know that someone who doesn't even know what an orchid is shouldn't be getting them for Valentine's day.
Hi, Jay. Yeah. I just...
Just what?
Something just doesn't add up.
What's that?
Leah's boyfriend is always sending her crap at the office, right?
Yeah. He used to. I haven't seen much lately, but yeah.
And it's always stuff that you can't miss, right? Like that huge red teddy bear, and the balloon bouquet, and that damned frog that sang every time someone walked past?
Yeah. True, hard to miss.
And then she always reads the gross, mushy card out loud to everyone who gets within earshot for three days, right?
That's for sure.
So, how come on Valentine's day, he suddenly sends her something that's actually tasteful, with no card?
Hm. Good point. Maybe he changed?
Uh, Jay?
Yeah, yeah. You're right. Huh. That is strange. What do you think it means?
I don't know. But I do know that someone who doesn't even know what an orchid is shouldn't be getting them for Valentine's day.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Hey, MG!
Oh, hi, Roger.
You know what your office could really use?
An electric fence across the door.
No! I was thinking.... hey, that would be awesome, though! It would be like, zap! Zap! Zap! When people tried to come in. Zap!
Heh. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Zap! Zap! Hey, you're not all hummy anymore.
No. I'm not. Roger, did you want something?
Zap! Zip zap! Hm, I think I did, but I forgot what. Zap! Zzzzzap!
Oh, hi, Roger.
You know what your office could really use?
An electric fence across the door.
No! I was thinking.... hey, that would be awesome, though! It would be like, zap! Zap! Zap! When people tried to come in. Zap!
Heh. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Zap! Zap! Hey, you're not all hummy anymore.
No. I'm not. Roger, did you want something?
Zap! Zip zap! Hm, I think I did, but I forgot what. Zap! Zzzzzap!
MG, I heard you suddenly got some flowers and you don't know who they're from?
Oh. Hi, Leah. Uh, kind of.
Oh my god, I totally know what happened.
Yeah?
Oh my god! Yes! This totally makes sense now. Last night, when I was out with my girls, my boyfriend sent me a text message, and he was like "Hey, Valentine, did you get the flowers?"
And I was like, Oh my god! because I didn't get any flowers, and I totally was freaking out because I thought he forgot. And so I texted him back, like, "Oh my god, I didn't get your flowers, I thought you forgot!" And he texted back, "That is SO strange because I totally sent you flowers at the office." Then I was like, oh my god, what is going on here? Flowers don't just disappear! And so we were talking about it, the girls and me, and we were like, they must have gone someplace else by accident! And then Alana was like, 'Oh, maybe that's why MG got flowers.' And we were all like, yeah, that would totally make sense.
Huh. Did, did he say what kind of flowers he sent?
No, he just said he sent flowers and he couldn't believe they didn't get here. He sounded totally surprised that they never got here. I am so relieved we figured this all out. So you don't mind if I just take my flower. What is that, anyway?
It's an orchid.
Oh. Whatever. It'll look nice on my desk. And it will remind me of my boyfriend the whole time.
Huh. Hold on, Leah, why was your boyfriend texting you on Valentine's day? Didn't you guys want to go out or anything?
Oh, he had to spend it with his wife. Ex-wife. Wife. Whatever.
Oh. Hi, Leah. Uh, kind of.
Oh my god, I totally know what happened.
Yeah?
Oh my god! Yes! This totally makes sense now. Last night, when I was out with my girls, my boyfriend sent me a text message, and he was like "Hey, Valentine, did you get the flowers?"
And I was like, Oh my god! because I didn't get any flowers, and I totally was freaking out because I thought he forgot. And so I texted him back, like, "Oh my god, I didn't get your flowers, I thought you forgot!" And he texted back, "That is SO strange because I totally sent you flowers at the office." Then I was like, oh my god, what is going on here? Flowers don't just disappear! And so we were talking about it, the girls and me, and we were like, they must have gone someplace else by accident! And then Alana was like, 'Oh, maybe that's why MG got flowers.' And we were all like, yeah, that would totally make sense.
Huh. Did, did he say what kind of flowers he sent?
No, he just said he sent flowers and he couldn't believe they didn't get here. He sounded totally surprised that they never got here. I am so relieved we figured this all out. So you don't mind if I just take my flower. What is that, anyway?
It's an orchid.
Oh. Whatever. It'll look nice on my desk. And it will remind me of my boyfriend the whole time.
Huh. Hold on, Leah, why was your boyfriend texting you on Valentine's day? Didn't you guys want to go out or anything?
Oh, he had to spend it with his wife. Ex-wife. Wife. Whatever.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Oh, wait, MG, I know that one!
That one, what, Roger?
That song! What is it? Wait, don't tell me!
What song?
The song you're humming!
I'm not humming a song.
Yes you are! You've been humming all day!
I have not. I don't hum.
Yes you are! You do! You were!
Roger, I don't. Hm. Was I? I might have been!
What is it? Mmmm mmm mmm MMMmmm...
I don't think I was humming that. If I was humming at all.
No, I know it. It's like mmm mmm MMM mmm MMMM mmm!
I don't know. I don't really think I was humming.
Well, what's that supposed to be, then?
Oh, this? Oh! I didn't even realize I was doing that. Just doodling, I guess.
Are you okay, MG? You seem all, kind of, gooey.
I'm good, Roger. Really good, actually.
Huh. Weird.
That one, what, Roger?
That song! What is it? Wait, don't tell me!
What song?
The song you're humming!
I'm not humming a song.
Yes you are! You've been humming all day!
I have not. I don't hum.
Yes you are! You do! You were!
Roger, I don't. Hm. Was I? I might have been!
What is it? Mmmm mmm mmm MMMmmm...
I don't think I was humming that. If I was humming at all.
No, I know it. It's like mmm mmm MMM mmm MMMM mmm!
I don't know. I don't really think I was humming.
Well, what's that supposed to be, then?
Oh, this? Oh! I didn't even realize I was doing that. Just doodling, I guess.
Are you okay, MG? You seem all, kind of, gooey.
I'm good, Roger. Really good, actually.
Huh. Weird.
Vinnie, I'm sorry I was such a grouch yesterday.
That's okay, my little valentine. I know how it is. Cold wet feet, cold wet heart.
But then you were so sweet! You didn't have to do that!
Do what?
The little orchid! I love it! You shouldn't have, though.
Shouldn't have? I didn't. What orchid?
That... wasn't you?
Oh my god! Someone sent you a Valentine's day orchid? What kind? What class!
Come on, Vin, I know it was you. The delicate little single living kind in a little pot. As you know.
Sweetie, I think you're swell. But if I were going to spend that much on you, I'd take us both out to lunch. Or for facials. We both do have a little bit of a flakiness issue. You a teensy tiny bit moreso, because I am religious with the Khiels.
Wait, really? It wasn't you? This has gay man written all over it. In the best possible way, but the only other person who would do something like this is, like, my mom. And I just saw her this weekend. She gave me a mini heart-shaped box of chocolates and a disappointed sigh. I don't think she would send a fancy flower.
Well, well, well! Then I'd say it looks like somebody has a secret admirer!
No, I, no. Couldn't be. Who would it be?
I don't know! That's why it's a secret admirer! Who do you think it is?
I, nah. No idea. Maybe... no. It must be a departmental thing. Maybe all the women got them.
Hm, for your excellent job performance.
Huh. Yeah, you're right. But, who could it be, then? This is weird.
That's okay, my little valentine. I know how it is. Cold wet feet, cold wet heart.
But then you were so sweet! You didn't have to do that!
Do what?
The little orchid! I love it! You shouldn't have, though.
Shouldn't have? I didn't. What orchid?
That... wasn't you?
Oh my god! Someone sent you a Valentine's day orchid? What kind? What class!
Come on, Vin, I know it was you. The delicate little single living kind in a little pot. As you know.
Sweetie, I think you're swell. But if I were going to spend that much on you, I'd take us both out to lunch. Or for facials. We both do have a little bit of a flakiness issue. You a teensy tiny bit moreso, because I am religious with the Khiels.
Wait, really? It wasn't you? This has gay man written all over it. In the best possible way, but the only other person who would do something like this is, like, my mom. And I just saw her this weekend. She gave me a mini heart-shaped box of chocolates and a disappointed sigh. I don't think she would send a fancy flower.
Well, well, well! Then I'd say it looks like somebody has a secret admirer!
No, I, no. Couldn't be. Who would it be?
I don't know! That's why it's a secret admirer! Who do you think it is?
I, nah. No idea. Maybe... no. It must be a departmental thing. Maybe all the women got them.
Hm, for your excellent job performance.
Huh. Yeah, you're right. But, who could it be, then? This is weird.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Snowy good morning to you, from one snowy snow princess to another!
Ugh, Vin.
Snow princesses don't say ugh, snow princess. What part of this wondrous winter wonderland are you not loving?
Are you kidding? Start with my shoes. They're soaked and ruined.
Shoes? You don't wear shoes into your blizzard kingdom! You wear snow princess boots.
Knock it off, Vin. I spent the weekend at my parents place and I didn't realized I'd be coming back this morning into this, uh, wondrous winter-- what was it?
Wonderland!
Yeah. Not so wonderful for suede pumps. I got them in a misguided effort to look more professional, and now they're soaked through and my feet are probably rotting and frostbitten at the same time and I'm going to wear ugly, warm waterproof shoes every day until May and I don't care if Leah thinks I'm a dyke.
Whoa, easy, ice-a-rella! Those shoes are history, but in the future, you know there's this magical spray you can use to waterproof your shoes, and bags, and gloves, and everything! It's amazing.
That's the worst part. I bought a can of it when I got the shoes, but I never got around to spraying them.
Well, that's true. They don't spray themselves, do they?
Nope. And this coffee I spilled on myself isn't going to remove itself, either.
Coffee, too? Quite a morning for you!
That's my point.
Well, do you want to go out at lunch and make snowballs in the park?
No.
Ugh, Vin.
Snow princesses don't say ugh, snow princess. What part of this wondrous winter wonderland are you not loving?
Are you kidding? Start with my shoes. They're soaked and ruined.
Shoes? You don't wear shoes into your blizzard kingdom! You wear snow princess boots.
Knock it off, Vin. I spent the weekend at my parents place and I didn't realized I'd be coming back this morning into this, uh, wondrous winter-- what was it?
Wonderland!
Yeah. Not so wonderful for suede pumps. I got them in a misguided effort to look more professional, and now they're soaked through and my feet are probably rotting and frostbitten at the same time and I'm going to wear ugly, warm waterproof shoes every day until May and I don't care if Leah thinks I'm a dyke.
Whoa, easy, ice-a-rella! Those shoes are history, but in the future, you know there's this magical spray you can use to waterproof your shoes, and bags, and gloves, and everything! It's amazing.
That's the worst part. I bought a can of it when I got the shoes, but I never got around to spraying them.
Well, that's true. They don't spray themselves, do they?
Nope. And this coffee I spilled on myself isn't going to remove itself, either.
Coffee, too? Quite a morning for you!
That's my point.
Well, do you want to go out at lunch and make snowballs in the park?
No.
Friday, February 03, 2006
MG, I need to get to my Katrina stuff.
What's that, Joanie?
I know, I know, it's really bad, but I donated this really cute top? And I have a date with my fiance tonight - isn't it cute how he still asks me out on 'dates,' even though we're engaged? And I was thinking the perfect top would be one of the ones I donated.
Um.
At the time, I was like, 'Maybe a little black beaded number would be just the thing to cheer up a hurricane refugee!' But now it's like a hundred years later and a lot of people still don't have houses? So they're probably not really going out to clubs and bars and having dates, either. So I was thinking I'd just take my top back. Do you know which bag was mine?
No. That's the pile, though. Dig on in.
Thanks, MG. By the way, Alana said you were totally supposed to be responsible for distributing all that stuff. When's it going to go to the people who really need it?
Yeah, that's a good question.
Oh! That reminds me. Do you think it would be bad if I took back my velvet pants, too?
What's that, Joanie?
I know, I know, it's really bad, but I donated this really cute top? And I have a date with my fiance tonight - isn't it cute how he still asks me out on 'dates,' even though we're engaged? And I was thinking the perfect top would be one of the ones I donated.
Um.
At the time, I was like, 'Maybe a little black beaded number would be just the thing to cheer up a hurricane refugee!' But now it's like a hundred years later and a lot of people still don't have houses? So they're probably not really going out to clubs and bars and having dates, either. So I was thinking I'd just take my top back. Do you know which bag was mine?
No. That's the pile, though. Dig on in.
Thanks, MG. By the way, Alana said you were totally supposed to be responsible for distributing all that stuff. When's it going to go to the people who really need it?
Yeah, that's a good question.
Oh! That reminds me. Do you think it would be bad if I took back my velvet pants, too?
Thursday, February 02, 2006
MG! This is awesome!
What is, Roger?
Joanne just gave me a whole carton of toilet paper! Want some?
No?
Okay. Your loss.
Wait, what? Why did she do that?
I don't know. She was carrying the box around and, like, whistling, and said out with the old, in with the new!
Hm.
She asked if I wanted it. She said she was donating the old toilet paper to the guys, because dudes have tough tushes, or something.
What? Joanne said to you, "Dudes have tough tushes?"
I don't know. Something like that. But I was so psyched to get a whole box of TP, I was just like, "Yes! Score!"
Huh. Are you going to take it home to use it, or what?
Are you kidding? All this? I'm going to wallpaper my office with it! You wanna help?
No.
What is, Roger?
Joanne just gave me a whole carton of toilet paper! Want some?
No?
Okay. Your loss.
Wait, what? Why did she do that?
I don't know. She was carrying the box around and, like, whistling, and said out with the old, in with the new!
Hm.
She asked if I wanted it. She said she was donating the old toilet paper to the guys, because dudes have tough tushes, or something.
What? Joanne said to you, "Dudes have tough tushes?"
I don't know. Something like that. But I was so psyched to get a whole box of TP, I was just like, "Yes! Score!"
Huh. Are you going to take it home to use it, or what?
Are you kidding? All this? I'm going to wallpaper my office with it! You wanna help?
No.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Hey, Jay?
Yeah, MG?
Would you say there's anything different about me?
Um...
Don't worry. This isn't one of those trick girl questions.
Well...
Okay, it sort of is. The question is, would you say that my halo shines bright?
What?
My halo shines bright. Would you say that I have a halo, and it's shining bright?
Uh, everything okay, MG?
Yeah. Everything's great. I just got trapped on the phone for 20 minutes by a salesman who somehow got the idea that something about my position here made me an ideal person to pitch his stuff to. He was like one of those toy dinosaurs that runs into a wall and keeps trying to walk forward until the batteries die down.
Yeah?
Yeah! I kept saying, "Look, I don't really have any control over those decisions, I'm not really in a position to help you, that's not my department..." finally I said I'd give him the number of someone who might actually have some relevance. And I'm not sure if he was being sarcastic or clueless, that's when he said, "You're a real angel. Your halo shines bright."
That's just weird.
Yeah. Not to mention grammatically bizarre. Definitely the first time I've heard that one, though, even if he was being sarcastic.
Yeah, MG?
Would you say there's anything different about me?
Um...
Don't worry. This isn't one of those trick girl questions.
Well...
Okay, it sort of is. The question is, would you say that my halo shines bright?
What?
My halo shines bright. Would you say that I have a halo, and it's shining bright?
Uh, everything okay, MG?
Yeah. Everything's great. I just got trapped on the phone for 20 minutes by a salesman who somehow got the idea that something about my position here made me an ideal person to pitch his stuff to. He was like one of those toy dinosaurs that runs into a wall and keeps trying to walk forward until the batteries die down.
Yeah?
Yeah! I kept saying, "Look, I don't really have any control over those decisions, I'm not really in a position to help you, that's not my department..." finally I said I'd give him the number of someone who might actually have some relevance. And I'm not sure if he was being sarcastic or clueless, that's when he said, "You're a real angel. Your halo shines bright."
That's just weird.
Yeah. Not to mention grammatically bizarre. Definitely the first time I've heard that one, though, even if he was being sarcastic.
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